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Saturday, January 02, 2010

2009 Rattled Me, But in 2010 I Will Stand



Personally, 2009 was a roller-coaster. It started out well: I had great friends, I was editor-in-chief of my high school newspaper (my pride and joy) and I was coasting through my senior year and having a pretty good time. I graduated, had a little graduation get-together, and enrolled in summer college courses to amp up my future. I was working to pay for school, then summer hit and reality really kicked in.
I was doing well, so to speak. Things seemed to be on a path of their own until someone informed me that my senior year best friend had begun spreading untrue rumors about me behind my back. Sure, the two of us were drifting apart, but it wasn't out of harsh feelings. So when I confronted her about the rumors, I was astonished to find that she had been dating this guy for months that I had been pining over for years. Yes, pining over does not mean I had any dibs, but to have all this go on in such a secretive fashion behind my back and to be personally pushed out of a picture I created was devastating. And although the hurt continued, I moved on.
I spent most of the rest of the summer just finding out (generally the hard way) who my true friends were. I picked fights with friends; I struggled to see what I was doing. I fell in and out of "love" and "like" more times than I can count. I'm thinking this may be some sort of post-high school drama/stress, but I think I'm glad that it happened when it did. With falling in and out of love and seeing who was true to me all in one summer, I was able to spend the rest of 2009 with people who truly cared about me and my well-being. I spent so much time with my true best friends, and I had some of the greatest ventures of my life. I completed my first semester of college with great grades, I was really proud. I had already succeeded in finding a balance between schoolwork, work and free time, and that's all I could really ask for. I became closer with my loved ones around me.
One of my best friends moved away late 2009, and many of my other friends went away to college. I miss them all dearly, but it is sort of satisfying to know that I am staying here to fight my battles. I miss my friends everyday, but knowing that they helped me through 2009 makes me realize how special I am to even have them in my life. They have taught me an infinite amount of information about life, love, happiness and freedom. Without these amazing people who stuck by my side, I really don't know how I would have handled the less-wonderful aspects of 2009.
As for 2010, there will be resolutions in the making the entire year long. I have learned how to love people, leave people, and let them go. I want to continue to look out for myself, as well as others around me. I resolve to be as happy and loving as possible. If 2009 taught me anything, it's what I need to be happy. And it's truly not much. If I love the ones closest to me and they love me back, it is really all I will need.
I resolve to continue this "is it finding or creating myself" phase in my life. As a nineteen/twenty-year old, I will continue to figure out what makes me tick and what tools I need to acquire to succeed. I will continue to figure out what exactly I am looking for and what I need to get there. I will continue to struggle with figuring out what to do with the rest of my life, but none of these struggles will be in vain. Yes, hopefully 2010 comes with a decent dose of drama. It wouldn't be my life if it lacked it. However, I know that 2010 means handling such situations to the best of my young abilities, and working towards resolutions that I desire.
So here's a to a fantastic and trying 2010!

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