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Sunday, February 28, 2010

Best of My Love?


If there's one thing I've realized in nineteen years, it's that I really have no idea what I'm doing. In high school, I wanted a relationship so bad: I went to every high school dance without ever having a date. In high school, you feel a pressure to be in a relationship and be tied to someone. I just wanted someone to pay attention to me and go places with me, I guess.

I'm almost done with my first year of college, and I've been messing up more than ever before. I graduated high school having never been on a real date and only kissing one guy, and going to college I felt absolutely lost. Guys were interested in me for truly the first time in my life, and I still have no idea what to do. I meet a nice guy, he treats me well, and I run the other way. Sometimes literally.

Like I said, I really have no idea what I'm doing. This picture defines me perfectly: the nice man with the flowers could make the perfect husband/boyfriend/what have you and I'd want nothing to do with him. I'm hoping I'll find someone that understands (slightly) how confusing I am and they don't mind it. My actions are never to be taken personally.

I have no idea what I want, and I probably never will. I don't know why I act the way I do with it comes to "mushy love stuff." I'm hoping I'll eventually grow up and stop taking attention only to run away with it. Til then, I apologize for my actions (or lack thereof.)

2 comments:

Tansy said...

I know exactly how you feel. I'll get into a "relationship" everythings going find i could have the perfect boyfriend in the world but i cut it off. ALL THE TIME. four times in a row i have cut off a relationship at three months. I think its because i think i'll get to attached. maybe its a self defense action. So i won't get my heart broken. Maybe thats what you're feeling too?

Defiant Princess said...

It feels like you and i share the same perspective when it comes to relationships ! i'm 19 too, but never really had a boyfriend cuz I dont know If that's what I really want!
i think we'll find the Man of our Dreams when the time's right :)

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