Friday, June 11, 2010

Best Friends for Life?

Friends. The word used to make me absolutely cringe. I've had a rough time with friendships; I'm not sure what it is about them that makes me completely crumble sometimes. I've had times with ups and downs, I've had moments where I didn't have a single friend. I've had days where I've never felt so loved. After all these years, I think I'm just starting to figure out friendships: how they work and how I want them to be.
I think I had/have problems getting along with people. As I'm usually looking out for numero uno and I have a slight problem with my ego, I may have pushed people out of my life. Sometimes though, I just wasn't always the best when it came to "choosing" my friends.
Elementary school was blissful; there wasn't any drama, you could talk to anyone, heck, you could pretty much be friends with anyone. When I reached middle school however, I was most definitely shell-shocked. I would not consider middle school to be my finest years. I can't count the days and weeks I spent sitting at a lunch table alone or crying after school because so-and-so had made fun of me or said something about me. To be completely honest, I didn't handle these situations well. Instead of resolving them,I tried to hide. Nothing was accomplished, and to this day I am still teased incessantly by everyone around me. It's a part of my life.
High school came quickly and it was truly a sink-or-swim deal. Because of this, it was also a big exploration time for me. I drifted from group to group never really fitting in with any of them. I had friends here and there, but I didn't really belong anywhere. Junior year I joined the newspaper staff and made it my life. Senior year I was dealing with less-than-great friendships that reminded me of middle school days, but I was editor-in-chief and it was where I felt like I belonged.
In college now, I finally have a grasp on who my friends actually are, and I'd do anything for them. However, it took more than a few terrible experiences to find out who was still by my side when the smoke cleared. It truly was a rough experience for years, but it has made me appreciate my true friends that I have now found and realized. Turns out some good ol' stabs in the back and heartache can make you see what's good for you. Although I wish some of those things hadn't happened the way they did, looking back I couldn't have it any other way and find these same results.
My sister is thirteen and about to be an eighth grader. She's not exactly taking the same path I did; she has lots of friends and to be completely honest it feels like she's trying to be the person that she 'needs' to be to be with them. Although I've stressed to her so many times that that's not the way it's supposed to work, my opinion doesn't seem to be a big deal at this point. As someone who's felt the lowest lows and highest highs, I just want to tell her and girls like her that someday it will all come together for her like it did for me. It was rough. It truly was. But fortunately in the process, I never lost sight of who I really am. I never felt the need to change for anyone, and maybe that's why I was so difficult to get along with at times. But the people who love me for who I am have stuck around, and they're the ones who are the most important.


Brooklyn Book Lover said...

My son is entering Junior High in September and because of all the reasons you mention in your post it scares the crap out of me! I know he is in for some rough times and I don't know how to shield him from it. Like you said, in grade school you can be friends with anyone. It's in middle school where the clicks start to form and the kids you once thought were your friends now won't give you the time of day. My heart breaks knowing what is waiting for him in September.
Jessi, the people in your life who stuck around are priceless. Treasure their friendship always.

Andi said...


now it's time to leave a comment. :-)

I really like your writting style, because it's special, in some way.

I really appreciate like how you write and about what you are writting.

Only a few people are as open as you are.

I totally understand what you mean with having problems in finding the "right" friends.

I can't understand people, who think their 200 or more friends in some Social networks, could be there real friends? Isn't it ridiculous?

They think, hanging around with people who are popular makes them be loved, liked and popular too?

No, finding real friends is a bit more difficult than that!

Althoug I did not read your Blogg for longer than a week (especially I found it on accident a few days ago I will go on reading it.
Its really refreshing and even I know you hear this more than twice a day ;-) (I read the other comments) I thought I have to say this to you.

Go on writting and you won't regret it.

BTW I also read your post two days ago and it's cool that you admit something like this.
I couldn't to that...

Regards from Germany, Frankfurt


littlemissjuicy said...

I love the way your writing is so honest. Your opinion won't make a difference to your sister at this point. What's better is letting her know you're there so she can take help of the experiences YOU had during your days.
Friends is a tough word in my vocab, too. I'm trying to figure it out.

Chrissy said...

What u have described here, can be applied to any of us... I recognized you in me or me in you...Teens have a hard time, its all about acceptance isn't it? and when we become adults either it lessens or we have an 'i don't care attiude' and move on..

Margosoriginals said...

I used to have this same problem, in fact I still do. I used to sit at home and wonder why everyone else has things to do, and why it was so easy for them to make friends with people.
Now, I still have trouble making friends but I've found that I'm actually happier when I don't have a lot of friends. I learned to enjoy my alone time, and now I wouldn't have it any other way! I like to keep the one or two close friends that I have, and the rest I could take it or leave it.

The One and Only Roxie said...

I have never been the type to easily make friends. In fact, it seemed like just the opposite: I had this uncanny tendency to make everyone hate me. How, you might ask? I really don't even know. I keep to myself, so maybe that makes people angry. I moved schools a lot, and it wasn't until now, in my later college years, that I developed a set of friends who embrace me for who I am and stick by me when things get ugly. Even so, it's still not perfect. I had someone threaten to kick my ass in college. O.o Yeah, real mature I know. But I'm finally comfortable with not being loved by everyone. I prefer it.

It sounds like you're pretty comfortable with who you are too. Love it, embrace it, and never forget it (I forgot it once, a heck of a story if you ever want to hear it).

Molly said...

I can relate to this blog a lot. I think there have been times when it has been easy for me to make friends, but other times it has seemed like the hardest thing in the world. However, you do realize after awhile, that you have those good friends that stick around. It doesn't even necessarily matter how often you took to them - they are just always there.

Sunny Insomniac said...


Yet again, another beautiful post. Your writing/concepts are awesome.

That being said, friends are always more cruel than enemies. They have more power over us. They know our weaknesses, our fears, our losses in an intimate way. This made it very difficult for me to open up to anyone growing up (besides my twin). But that makes me sad, because I know I missed out on a lot of things. Yes, a lot of hurt, but also a lot of love and experiences that make growing up worth it. When it came time for my wedding, I had no bridesmaids but my sisters. Sad, but true. Once I really got into college, I ended up making three of the closest friends I've ever had in my life. One of which I am currently staying with in Boston. :)

So keep trying! I'm so happy for you that you have found friends!

~Sunny Insomniac

XeL said...

This is awesome! I feel like I'm reading someone else writing about my life, give or take a few details! I know exactly what you've been through, and you write it so well! Thanks for being my first follower, and I can't wait to read more!

Cortney said...

It's hard for me to make friends easily so my social circle has never been that big. Even know I only have a couple people that I do a lot of stuff with. But I'm ok with that. I'd rather a few close friends who really know me then a bunch of people who barely know me.

The Words Crafter said...

What is it about middle school that brings out the worst in people? I went through the same thing-and the worst of the torturers was my former best friend! High school was better in many ways-I found a group and we stuck together and I found a place on yearbook staff and discover writing and photography. I'm glad you have real friends now...they're priceless!

Melissa Blake said...

You capture friendships perfectly! :)

Levonne said...

Keep on being yourself. Everything will then turn out aokay.

Scheherezade said...

A very brave post :)

I think we don't really get to choose our friends. They come along during certain periods of your life and maybe they're not always the best for you, as you're maybe not the best for them...

I think it takes time to really see who your friends are. In my case, I still have a couple of friends from primary school and some from University, but the rest are just a blur...

Jessica said...

I really liked this honest post.

I think a lot of people have been through exactly the same thing when so many people feel alone and you can see from all the comments how many have empathized with you on this subject.

I'm 18 and continually learning about friendship, I'd say I have 2 people I complete trust and about 10 close friends, however, not all in the same 'group'. I've never really been a 'group' person, always finding it hard to fit in. It used to bother me, but I learnt to accept it, recgonising I like to be different, that I'm often too honest and not bitchy enough to blend into a large group, and that's okay, it's a good thing.

My brother sounds a lot like your sister, trying to be someone he's not to fit in with his group. I've tried to explain to him, that's not what he should do, but again, he doesn't care. He started a blog up actually, and asked me - please don't show anyone, I don't want my friends to know. Bless him.

But anyway, I liked your post.
If you get chance check out and follow my blog

arjaun said...

I was very touched by what you write. I also experienced what you experienced such episodes. all involve the emotions, ego. sometimes we leave, sometimes abandoned ... hmmmmm
Confusion of Photography @


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