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Tuesday, June 08, 2010

First Kiss Was a Big Miss

Kissing is disgusting.

Kissing is gross.

Kissing is overrated.

I will never kiss anyone ever again.

Ever.

And these were the thoughts running through my head after I had my first kiss. Not exactly the moment I had cooked up in my head for seventeen years; seventeen years of watching the birthday cake-sitting on the kitchen table-scene in Sixteen Candles or the dropping the purse-in the rain-in the parking lot of the prom in Pretty in Pink. Kisses weren't supposed to be disgusting and offensive...had the entire world fooled me? Maybe kissing, love, and overall intimacy was all cooked up in Hollywood; maybe it couldn’t be truly enjoyed in “real life.”

These were all things running through my head, lying in bed on a Saturday night, nearing midnight. I had just had my first kiss, with someone I had adored for almost ten years? Not exactly how I thought it would end.

He had picked me up and we had driven around our town making small talk; our first date, even though I had crushed on him for ages. It was simple; it was nice. Then he backed up into a parking lot and we just talked. I knew in my head that he was going to kiss me that day; he knew I had never been kissed and knew I wanted my first kiss to be him. Plus, I was seventeen and scared that if I didn’t kiss someone (him) soon I would surely die an old maid. As much as I wanted it, I surely can say I did not instigate it. If only I hadn’t jumped in that pickup truck that night.

He leaned across the truck and took me by surprise. Instead of the long, drawn-out staring into each other’s eyes with an awkward passion before our lips met, I had a forceful smash of the lips to the face and a tongue halfway down my throat (or so it felt.) He backed off after I nudged him in the stomach. He slumped back with a smirk on his face and prompted conversation with, “so?”

“So?”

“How does it feel?”

“How does what feel?”

“Not being a lip virgin anymore.”

Aaaaaaaand that is one of those moments in my life where I felt absolutely repulsed, disgusted, wrong. This is the guy I had liked so long; the guy I had spent my childhood dreaming about building an eternal future with? I now knew it could not work. I knew that’s not how it was supposed to feel.

But that is how it happened. I cannot take it back, no matter how much I wish I could. And that kiss did repel me from kissing. When I was thinking about how gross and overrated kissing seemed, I seriously thought that I could never enjoy it. Ever. I also figured I would steer clear of it for as long as possible.

Then, I truly fell, with someone else. This was not some crush I had inflated in my head to be deeper and more tangible than it actually was. I fell truly, totally and completely. I knew that I wanted to kiss him. I knew that I wanted to be with him. But how could I when the only time I’d done it I had absolutely loathed it?

That awkward-staring into each other’s eyes-‘til our lips met-kiss? That was with the next guy I locked lips with, the guy I truly fell for and let’s put it this way, he’s the only one I’ve kissed since.

Photos Via (We Heart It)

33 comments:

JCx said...

Aw, thats cute. I love your blog :}


www.drummingheartbeat.blogspot.com

Chrissy said...

Yeah, we all have expectations... then again it depends on the age u were at at the time of that kiss... + building up the other person to be someone we hoped then to find they weren't all that.... That's one of life's lessons u learned...

Chrissy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dani-Q said...

Haha, that's so sweet!

My first kiss was just like yours - gross. I haven't kissed anyone since, blah. :P
The idea of it is really romantic, the actual practise of it is repulsive.

Dani-Q

Jessica said...

That's really cute :)
My first kiss was in a dare game.... so it was nothing special either!

Teresa said...

A lot of things in life turn out NOT to be the awesome things we build them up to be...

I'm glad it didn't keep you from trying again.

Cograt's on your 1000 followers. Keep up the great work

Melissa Blake said...

Great post, Jessi....I love your stories. Keep 'em coming!

Susan said...

No matter how old you are first kisses are almost always weird. It's the practicing that's fun when it's with someone you really like! :)

Samantha Rill said...

I felt the exact same way when I had my first kiss (and I don't even consider it a kiss since I pushed the boy away within seconds of our lips meeting in the most unromantic way -_-)

But at least you found that boy that the movies are made off!


writelovelivelaugh.blogspot.com

Adgirl said...

When I was young I practiced by kissing the crook in my arm - someone told me that this was the most like the real thing.

My first kiss happened when I snuck into an over 18's disco when I was 16 and kissed a guy who was 24. he was a builder and I lied when he asked me how old I was. He was ok but I just used him as a practice first kiss. I wanted to be good when I kissed someone I actually liked.

I really don't feel bad that it wasn't special. I was just that it had happened at all!!

Kanwalful said...

How sweet :)

I've only kissed one guy my whole life - my husband - and it is the best feeling in the world to kiss him. =)

The One and Only Roxie said...

Jessi,

My first kiss (at age 18) was practically the same!! He jumped me and shoved his tongue down my throat, and slobbered all over my nose and chin. Yuck!

lotsqu said...

Sweet!
But well, that was an experience and we all learn more about life through experiences.
My first kiss wasn't any better. I was little drunk and wanted to try kissing for the first time. Well, I didn't feel anything while doing it. I didn't feel anything next time or next... With different guys of course.
But my last kiss was with someone I have wanted to kiss for a while and I think he is the best smelling man in the world :D Well, we are not together or anything but I keep dreaming about having that kind of feeling with someone else soon :)

Levonne said...

Thanks for talking about your first kiss. I remember my girlfriends giving me instructions on what I was suppose to do if and when a certain somebody initiated a kiss. I do think it may be all in who is kissing and how you feel about them. It is also about the quality of the kiss. But really I do feel differently about kissing at my middle age than I did as a teen. Oh...romance.

Mol Nels said...

I love your blog girl! And I love how you incorporate images throughout it, I was just thinking about how I need to do that with mine--too much text!

But seriously--so sweet and engaging, I love it!

Cortney said...

That was a cute post. (: I've never been kissed so I don't have any interesting first kiss stories to tell yet.

P.M.Vincent said...

You have a real gift for writing, never stop ;)

Kara said...

My first kiss was in 8th grade. It was a dare, so special lol.

Jennifer Scavone said...

dude, my first kiss on the lips was with my gay friend who was drunk at the time, so it was totally not anything worth having. lol!!!!

Nicole said...

My first kiss was behind the school after marching band practice. I was 14 and he was my first real boyfriend. I expected it to be awkward or gross, but I got lucky. He was very gentle and moved slowly.

Today, he is one of my very best friends and I think of him like a brother. lol funny how some things turn out.

great post!

http://startingoverjilted.blogspot.com/
http://somewhatsinglegirl.blogspot.com/

Insomniac said...

aww,
very cute, although i think I would have slapped the first guy had I been in that situation, how rude!

great post,

DestinyDisaster said...

I know what you mean. My first kiss was almost the same, except not in a truck, and the boy that kissed me stopped before he did it, to take out his tongue ring. I was utterly repulsed at the idea of kissing anyone after that. Until a specific someone.

some people just don't do it right.

The Words Crafter said...

That was really sweet and funny, too! First kisses are usually overrated-mine was. But my husband's kisses...I forget my name...whoa!

Deidra said...

Kissing must be a lot more about the person and a lot less about the physical aspects of it than people always think.

Jaja Oquinena said...

Haha... Movies certainly have a hand in fooling girls into believing that first kisses are the sweetest, given the right guy. I thought my first kiss would happen with an orchestra swelling in the background... Tsk. tsk... But for the kisses that come after - that's another story. :)

Love your blog.

Jenny said...

My first kiss was a sad attempt at creating that magical movie moment. It was at the state fair on the top of a Ferris wheel. I had the same obsession that if I didn't get my first kiss soon I would die an old maid, but I based it more off of Ron Wesley. He hooked up with Lavender Brown in the 6th book so I had to get my first kiss before I was 16. I was 15 at the time, so I was proud to say that I 'beat ron'. But it was awkward. Really awkward.He knew what he was doing but I had no idea. I regret nothing.

Erica said...

Wow, I can't believe he said that. What a crazy guy!

NyX said...

Oh-my-god!! that is so true!
i am 18 and i have had my kisses and make-outs...but seriously..not that 'awkward-staring into each other’s eyes-‘til our lips met-kiss'!...never!
i so badly want it!! :|

NyX said...

and i really love your blog girl! :)

Jade Bass said...

That's cute :), also totally normal. My first kiss was at a party a while back and we were playing spin the bottle and everyone had their issues, such as nose bumping, forehead clocking, etc., my kiss was pretty terrible,too.

Halima said...

(nice post)
i had my first kiss when i was 15 and it was nothing different with urs! i think the problem is with the boys cos we girls spend years dreaming of our perfect first kiss but they don't even take time to imagine what it shuld be like. mine had too much force in it and it made me hate kissing, but i with the right person it's great!.....good u didn't give up bcos of a bad first kiss!

Jacin said...

Oh! I think you were very unlucky...
By coincidence, the ad which is under this post is about meetic, a company which makes people meeting

Twinklebell Moonbeam said...

This is adorable, love it.
First kisses, as a rule, are manky.

http://ssssssssssssssssh.blogspot.com/

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