I was one of your few friends, and I never understood why people disliked you. I couldn't figure out why they were so quick to judge you and not give you a chance. I found out why the hard way.
But the things I do remember? The small things I constantly did for you; I can't remember your end ever being held up quite the same. I spent my days consoling you and simply being there for you, like a friend should, and it was so easily spit back in my face when you started making different decisions. As much as I gave you, it seriously stopped my world from turning to see it suddenly not amount to anything in your eyes.
You broke my trust. You hurt me more than anyone else in my life, even though I know that everything you took wasn't even mine. Unless you count that thing I called our friendship.
But I learned things from you after we stopped talking. I've realized that life is too short to chase things that won't happen or try to fix things that are beyond broken. Or things that turned out to not be worth the pain and obscene amount of effort.
I've learned to not be so naive; I lived months in the dark not knowing someone so close to me was tearing me down inside and out. I watch my own back now. I may be borderline paranoid and protective of myself after the total humilation you put me through.
But look where it got me to this day.
Since then, I have strived harder than ever to be successful. Success truly shows that one is happy where they are at (especially for me.) Because of it, I've become something greater than I could have imagined in the past. All thanks to you. Wait, I think I'll take the credit on that one.
Maybe you were holding me back.
So many things feel like they've even just fallen into my lap these days. Things are constantly looking forward. I haven't smiled as much in my entire life as I have in the past year.
Why does it work like this? Do things really get worse before they get better? I'm still not too sure, and after completing this letter I know I no longer need to dwell on the confusion, pain, or downright anger. Just remember, I was never upset over what actually happened but rather the fact that you purposely did it to me. You knew it would hurt me in so many ways. You knew that enough that you kept it secret from me. I was your best friend - your only friend - but you jeopardized and ruined it anyway. You went out of your way to hide it from me, and the fact that you were fine with it is what kept me up at night for so long. For too long. It's something that I've never been able to wrap my head around and maybe that's why it cut me so deep.
But I want you to remember: you did give me one of the most painful experiences I've had. But you showed me things inside myself that I couldn't see before. I see that I'm actually stronger than I previously believed. Maybe a little more mature. Whatever I may be, I'm becoming happier and the person I know I'm meant to be.
I'm sorry I was just a little footnote in your life that is obviously better without me, but I've learned more from you than you'll ever know. Maybe they weren't meant to be lessons, but I've used the pain wisely.
Photos Via (We Heart It)