Pages

Wednesday, June 09, 2010

To Be or Not to Be: The Virginity Question.

If you're reading this, I obviously posted it. Knowing that people are reading this is making me blush. But honestly, this blog is a creative outlet for me. I'm honest; I'll admit to that. Your kind words on my honesty may have fed this desire to speak honestly. But I've been on the fence about posting on this. But lately I'm at a point. Why not?
To everyone who wants to know (the person who flat-out asked me on formspring) to everyone that doesn't care to know, here's a disclaimer: yes, I am a virgin.

Is this too far? I've 'bragged' about being a straightedge and ranted about how writing, of all things, gets me 'high.' But once I say I'm a virgin, does that change anything? Does it alter your perspective of me? Do you commend me for not falling to the pressures of being a teen or do you snicker and now acknowledge me as a full-blown goody-goody?

Do what you must. I'll wait.
I'm not a religious or not religious person, so it has nothing to do with that. I'm not even necessarily waiting til I am married. It just...hasn't happened. I suppose I'm not at that time and place where these things will come together, so to speak. And I'm absolutely content with it.

Why even post this? Is it important? I think so. I'm not here to flaunt the fact but rather the point is that in this society where high schools are literally bursting at the seams with Juno-pregger types, I've found it to be refreshing to find teenage girls that are virgins and completely fine with it. I admit to being in a group that feels like a "minority," whether or not that may be the case. It's not so much that I'm proud of being a virgin, but instead that's just the way it is and I don't feel any certain way about it, good or bad. It's nice actually, to have no certain feelings about it as of now.
It's a part of life. Everyone can relate. While I may not be on the same page as everyone else, I firmly believe that it will happen when the person and time is right. This may come before or after marriage, here or there, I really don't know. Maybe I'll just know when it's here. Maybe I'll never know.

But the point is, just like Aerosmith, straightedgedness, journalism or Slurpees, it's something that defines me. The fact that I'm a virgin is something that makes me who I am today. I'd like to think that I contemplate things more than most; I'm more than your typical overthinker. Honestly, I'm a virgin and that's the way it is for now. So why does it feel like I'm one of few, that at almost twenty years old and not having this experience, I'm "out of the loop?" It's not that I want to feel in the loop, it's just that I don't understand how as a society we have reached a point where I'd even feel the need to mentally debate how 'different' I am....even if that's just the way I want to be.
Photos Via (We Heart It)

50 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad you posted this. I am in the same boat. I've just wanted to wait until it was special and that opportunity has not come. I never cared in high school, but now being 19 and still a virgin, it is starting to bother me. At the same time giving it up now in some drunken one night stand when I've waited this long seems like a waste. Let's hope the right guy comes along soon!

Se2 said...

So well written...
Its the same in every country now...even in india if you are a middle society guy...
and it becomes especially more tough if you are guy..Sex is supposed to be the 'cool' thing...
My friends simply fail to realize that i want my first time to be cherished...its something that should be "let it happen", rather than "make it happen"...

nicely written...
Btw...do check out my blog pls...
http://obliviousconclusions.blogspot.com

Samantha Rill said...

Again, I have to agree with you. First kissing now virginity. Oh the joys I have reading your blog posts. I feel the same, though I am a bit more prideful of being a virgin than you are (as you stated.) I like being a virgin. It makes me feel special, for a lack of better words, because of the increasing amount of Juno-preggers types (as you so eloquently put) and I feel that by not succumbing to social norms makes me different in a special way.

I'm not waiting for marriage either and I don't think anyone should. It all depends on when the time is truly right. Not right for the situation or right for the boy, but utterly and truly right for both sides.

Thanks for posting the most refreshing things =]

Margosoriginals said...

Hi! I love this post- I think its great that you're happy and content with the fact that you are a virgin- you should be. There are some guys who will do or say anything to get you into bed. You have to make them wait in order to root out the bad ones (that's not always the case, just a general rule of thumb if you're not sure about a guy's intentions). A guy friend of mine told me once- if you're not sure where things are going with a guy- wait a good two months to have sex with him. If he sticks around and still dates you and treats you right- he is the real deal. Anything less is a waste of your time and emotion.

ButtonPom said...

I love how open you are in your blog, I really respect that :)
Interesting post though, being a teenager is confusing, it's nice to know that someone blogs about it.
Your blog is so lovely to read, thankyou.
If you get a chance, please have a look at my blog?
http://takemetomovieland.blogspot.com/
I'm new to the whole blogging thing :P

Gillian said...

You have an award over at my wee blog.

Style_Pursuit said...

Enjoy the moment, once it is lost, you can never get it back!

Big hug to you for this post! :o)

Rebecca Armstrong said...

Thank you for once again posting a blog that I and many other girls probably can relate to. Although I am four/five years younger than you are - Its nice to know that someone over the legal age actually hasn't done 'it'! Girls and guys in my year are 'apparently' having sex all the time and I am glad and proud to say that I am not - especially at my age.

So thanks again :) x

Levonne said...

My Dear Wannabe Star,
You are fine just where you are. You have the rest of your life to have sex with someone. I support you in creating a wonderful setting for the first experience. And I support you in chosing a wonderful person with whom to share the experience. The first time will only come around once. Make it something worth remembering (and telling about). (smiles)

Cortney said...

Same here. I've never found the right guy and I'm not the type of girl who does 'it' just because that seems the thing to do anymore. I want my first time to be special and with someone I love and who I know loves me and if that means waiting til I'm married then I'll wait that long. If not, then I won't.

I love how honest you are in your blog. There really is no better way to go about things. Sure sometimes the truth hurts, but it's better then being lied to I say. Plus it gives you a reputation that is trustworthy.

Chrissy said...

GF, no need to apologize... as they say 'never explain, never apologize', so if u weren't a virgin does the name ' ho-bag' sound better? And what is the big rush to not be a virgin? come on.... at least u can say you don't have to deal w/a STD like so many who have not a clue as to do about it or the ones who have not a clue to protect themselves from unwanted pregnancies... sheesh... You are a very mature person who definitely knows what she wants... so, stop it already! lol ok???
As a mother, I am proud of you especially in this day and age when peer pressure is at its worst!. I tell ya, some guy out there will be very lucky and grateful to be part of your life.

Jade Bass said...

High-Five from one virgin to another.

I was never really interested in believing that sex could make a relationship stronger or in sex in general, okay a little bit curious, but that is it. I mean if everyone in the world could begin a relationship and not have to worry about screwing around with their new or current bf or gf, out of fear that they might lose them or they might cheat on them, just imagine what the world would be.

There would most definitely be a change in people's perspectives on the decisions they make in life.

Jade Bass said...

High-Five from one virgin to another.

I was never really interested in believing that sex could make a relationship stronger or in sex in general, okay a little bit curious, but that is it. I mean if everyone in the world could begin a relationship and not have to worry about screwing around with their new or current bf or gf, out of fear that they might lose them or they might cheat on them, just imagine what the world would be.

There would most definitely be a change in people's perspectives on the decisions they make in life.

Kendall Defoe said...

All I will say is don't obsess over being a virgin. When you are ready, you are ready...

V said...

My Skat let me tell you a tale, a tale about ME.
22, Christian, unemployed training counselor, ONLY SLEPT WITH ONE MAN SEXUALLY.... And i plan 2 keep it so. I couldve had sex with many guys, theres always that temptation but my heart said no. From small i told my parents id sleep with 1 man and marry him. I was born in am atheist home.
i get skew looks i am in your small group too... But i dont care anymore. Few will understand but you only need a few 2 get you through God rarely sends me ever growing crowds ;) be proud

Greek~Goddess~Cindy said...

Its totally fine that you're a virgin, thats a great thing to be. And no, bragging about being one shouldnt make you feel like you're all "goody-goddy". But i can tell you, from experience, the ones who arent a virgin often feel bad when they see that their friends, or just (other) people in general are virgins; so those people might be the ones that will feel jealous of you. Religion or no religion, the right time and guy or not, having sex period damage your soul, mind, emotions, will, etc. So whether you feel you are ready or not, sex is still something private and very much inimate, so having it with someone you know for sure you'll be spending the rest of your life with, will be priceless, it wont come with all that emotional baggage thats attached with it. No matter what, ALWAYS WAIT 'til AFTER YOU'RE MARRIED, and thats sound, wise advise coming from someone who has been there and done that. WAITING IS SO MUCH WORTH IT! (trust me)

Jamie said...

The "deed" wasn't done for me until I was 24. I didn't wait for religious reasons or anything like that; I just waited until I found someone I was completely comfortable with. That's not to say I didn't majorly fool around with guys before that, but I'm really glad I waited until I was older and knew what I was doing (no pun intended), and that I would be able (emotionally, physically, financially) to handle the consequences.

Jess said...

Losing your virginity can only happen once. So make it worth it. I don't even remember the guys name. Only that he was in the army and had just returned home from boot camp. That was nine years ago. I'd give anything to have that precious moment back. Don't waste that time on just anyone. Make it worth remembering. Who cares when it happens, whether it's today, tomorrow, next week or three years from now. It will happen when it's right for you...and no one gets an opinion on the matter if you ask me, other than you ;-)

Susan said...

Congrats on feeling comfy enough to make this honest post. I will be honest and say that I wish I was still with the person I lost my virginity to (well not actually him but a person in general). I too waited until I was older (26) not because of religion or any other reason other than I didn't feel that I had found someone that was really worth it. Once I found that person that I was comfortable with then I was comfortable. I will say it can be great if you feel that it's right. I've never heard anyone say that they wish they would have had sex earlier! I wish things would have worked out differently but I can same I'm comfortable with the decision I made and would do it over again. Just make sure you are happy with your decisions and it'll all work out.

P.S.- I also agree that if he's a good guy he'll hang around and wait for you. I made him wait and it was well worth it...made him invest in the relationship so to speak.

Melissa Blake said...

My point exactly, Jessi!! :)

alyssa.ghosh said...

i COMPLETELY commend you!! i don't even know you and i am so very proud of you. this more than anyything else shows your confidence in yourself as a WORTHY WOMAN!! :) we need more of that especially in this day and age...very happy that you posted this, i think it will help other young women to be more self reliant and content.

http://aghosh515.blogspot.com

Durkisha said...

I thinks this post shows that you're a pretty mature person, just saying things how they are and not being embarrassed by that. When I was 14 I was seeing a boy (who was one year older than me) and he just wanted that. But I was no fool, and just say no. Some time after, I met a guy who changed my world and with whom i was in love. And I lost my virginity with him, and I had no regret about waiting to know him. He was three years older than me, and he told me that he would have liked to wait as I did so he could have lost his virginity with me. That shows that sometimes is just better to feel like doing it.
Don't know what else to say, I just wanted to share with you this. (Sorry if my english isn't perfect, my mother tongue is spanish)

Discovering Me said...

I am 17 and also a virgin and i do feel very alone at my school because its swarming with many pregnant girls. but its my choice to wait til i find that special someone. thank you for writing this :) i know someone out there is in my position

Alisha said...

i really don't think there is a problem with being a virgin. i'm fine with being one and life is pretty good. but i've been told that, "you will make the right choice at the right time." i think that helps me a little when it comes to important decisions.

Nik said...

hey i love the honesty of this blog! and i can totally relate. i'm 20 and still a virgin for the exact same reasons as you. my friends are always tryin to find me guys cos they think its wierd but i just laugh at them.
it'll happen when the time's right so only do what you want. it's noone else's decision x

Nik said...

hey i love the honesty of this blog! and i can totally relate. i'm 20 and still a virgin for the exact same reasons as you. my friends are always tryin to find me guys cos they think its wierd but i just laugh at them.
it'll happen when the time's right so only do what you want. it's noone else's decision x

g.loverly said...

I'm so glad you wrote this! I was thinking whether about writing about it too as i am in the same boat, and nearly all my friends have lost their virginity, and sometimes kind of feel pressured to lose it, when i'm in no rush.
Love you writing, keep it up.
lovelove

The One and Only Roxie said...

My decision to be a virgin was my decision, religious or not. And like you, I feel like we're in a really small minority. Glad you wrote this. There are so many people I know who wish they could "take it back". I want to be really, REALLY sure. No rushing; all on my time.

LeaNNe said...

I really enjoyed reading this post. Actually, I love your entire blog. It's refreshing to read the work of someone so honest and open-minded. Congrats :)

Leanne
Malta, Europe

http://myunpluggedlife.blogspot.com/

Autumn said...

It is refreshing - you are refreshing. It's nice to know some people are okay with being different. You rock.

twirl unabashedly said...

nothing i can say that hasnt already been said above me.

i'm gonna have my daughter read this blog. she's twelve, and, has friends who are already "doing stuff". when i find something like what you have written, especially from someone she would think is so very cool, it puts a fantastic spin on everything you want your daughter to become.

hope your first time is everything you want it to be- whenever you decide its right.

kudos to you.

RULookn4Trouble said...

I really enjoy your blog and your honesty. I have to say, I lost my virginity at 27 which at that point I wanted to get it over with and wish that I had waited for real love. I'm in my 40's now and the guy I gave it up to found me on FB and I was rather shocked at how much he remembers me and thinks so highly of.
I've learned that sex is sex, but love and love making are an entirely different thing and definitely worth waiting for.
You will know when it's right and when you're ready. The first time is awkward and scary for it to be just sex.
Love is worth waiting for.

Laura

Jaja said...

I feel like I'm the oldest of all your blog followers!

Looking at the comments, it's refreshing to find people who still give the act of making love (as opposed to just calling it 'having sex') value and due reverence. I will never regret waiting for 'the right one' - which in my case is my husband! I'm not saying you should wait till you get married since that's your decision. But for me, everything has worked out so well.

I hope guys and girls who read your blog find your thoughts agreeable. I love how you refuse to let peers or the way of life now pressure you into something you are not yet certain whether you'd like to get in to.

I love following your blog.

(http://www.balancingandstones.blogspot.com)

Lace. said...

Beautifully written, Im glad your not ashamed to announce being a virgin! Its a matter of finding someone you truly love and when you are ready to share that part of yourself with someone. Your amamzing!

Kayleigh said...

you go girl.
cliche as that sounds, i'm completely serious. atta girl.

P.M.Vincent said...

Never let society or anybody really, try to tell you who you are supposed to be. Be proud that you have not given in to the status quo. I wish I had only been less of a follower when I was a kid. KUDOS!!!!

Gossip Guy said...

Sex just complicates things so why rush?

I applaud your honesty. Virgin seems to be a swear word. It shouldn't be though...

Keda said...

I am 32 and unless we have are to have another messiah, I am not a virgin :). My little girl is 15 months now and I have been with married for 3 years, but with my now-husband for 8 years. My point? I am not a virgin and have not been one for a long time.

Personally, I don't get the hype about either being one or not being one. It was a big deal when we were teenagers, but it was just never a label to me. Labels were 'friends', 'boyfriend', 'girlfriend', 'daughter', etc. Whether or not someone is a virgin or not has no impact on who they are in my life except that they might not be the person I go to for sex advice. :)

It's good to be one as the moment that you decide not to be one anymore, you can never change back. It's one of those things you lose forever, not that what you lose it for is not worthwhile if done correctly, but hold on to it while you are still completely at ease with it.

You are one of a few. It should not be special or awkward, but it is. We have made up our minds that all teenagers have had sex by the time they leave high school. This is probably like finding a Dodo. Nothing funny about a bird and all the things are basically the same as all other birds, but the thing is there are so very few of them...

:)

claire=) said...

I'm still a virgin as well. All throughout 18 years of my life. :)

I'm glad many people still do not succumb to the pressures of the teenage years. :)

Sunny Insomniac said...

Jessi,

Dude, seriously, this was an awesome blog. Again, your honesty rocks my world. And reading all the comments were almost as refreshing. Isn't it nice to find you're not the only one? And that you can move people so much with a simple thing like a blog. Love it.

I was a virgin until I was 19. It was absolutely worth the wait. Now I've been married 7 years and have 2 kids. I can't take credit, though, because really, the hubby was the only one who ever wanted to have sex with me (that I know of...ahem), and we tried our freaking hardest to wait until we got married. It sucked. It was death nearly every time we were alone together. It was painful in a way I don't want to recall clearly. But on that first night...even though we both didn't really know what we were doing (went together and bought Sex For Dummies the next day...), because it was so much more than sex, it was so much more amazing than it ever could have been otherwise.

So here's to being an American Teenage Virgin.

On a side note, thanks for your comment. I was so looking forward to catching up on your blog, and as always, was not disappointed. :D

Love from your Blog Besty,

~Sunny

Jessi Haish said...

Woo! Thanks for all the comments; they were truly refreshing and I love to hear everyone's thoughts. Thanks so much for making me realizing that I'm maybe not part of a minority. :)

Jennifer said...

I wish I would have lived my teenage years a little differently, and I love reading what you write and knowing that there are teens out there who are making good choices and really thinking things through. I can only hope that my daughters will have the types of values you have (the are only 9 and 12, but you see girls growing up faster and faster these days, and it scares me). Kudos to you, Jessi!!

Twinklebell Moonbeam said...

I love your blog.
I really really love your blog.
I amy not agree with some of your views, but the integrity you write about them with, makes me appreciate your point of view.

thenaiveblogger said...

Wow! Amazing post. Well wait till when it has to happen. The wait will be worth it. Cheers!!

XeL said...

*stands up, applauds!* good for you, girl! In all honesty, if I never have sex, I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. I have strongly loved others, and that's enough for me. ...But, maybe I just don't know what I'm missing out on. Well, as they say, ignorance is bliss, and I'm okay with that. :)

BROKEN FASHIONISTA said...

GREAT JOB! YOU AREN'T MISSING OUT ON ANYTHING IT JUST MAKES EVERYTHING DIFFICULT!! & U ARE RIGHT ABOUT THE WHOLE TEEN PREGNANCY THING! I WISH THEY HAD THE SAME MIND SET AS YOU!

Hauptmann Deiss said...

jessi, you're an anachronism

Fire and Rain said...

Great read, it doesn't change a thing for me :)

violet strattenfield said...

Nice! I feel the same too. :)

Mia said...

Again, agreeing completely! :)

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails