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Monday, July 19, 2010

I Don't Hate You.

I don’t hate you. I just don’t understand you.

And that’s probably best.

Sometimes when situations get to the point where they’re at that point…it’s best to cut ties. You can swear to this day that I hate you and I was terrible to you and that everything I did made no sense to you…

But that’s because you’re an idiot, silly.

I don’t hate you. I just don’t understand you. What I do hate, however, is stupidity. And quite possibly those that carry it on their sleeves. And as of late, you seem to be one of those people. I can’t decide how much your stupidity is affecting my feelings of you, but I know it can’t be any good.

So please. Don’t be one of those girls. The ones we used to make fun of? The ones we used to swear were the worst? You’ve turned into one. Or maybe you were one all along. Maybe I’m just now noticing. Seeing as we’re not friends anymore, every time you do something now, I feel like I’m watching you from above; outside of your bubble. Like I’m watching you in a cage at the zoo. Since I’m not in there with you.

Then I worry. When I was friends with you, and you were one of those girls (if you even were then) was I too? Did I act like you? Did we do the dumb things you do now? Or am I noticing the little things you do and blowing them up to such a degree that they completely irk me? Or are you so insecure these days that you’re doing it to make up for everything you’ve lost?

All of these could work.

But as stupid as you may act and as ridiculous as you may be, I still don’t hate you.

But as of late, I love me a lot more.

11 comments:

UjSen said...

Woah, heavy stuff.......hope you're feeling all right>.!

ck said...

somehow, i couldn't stop looking at your blurry picture.

Melissa Blake said...

Awesome post! How'd you get that photo? It's very twilight-esque!!

Jessi Haish said...

thanks guys :) and the photo is from a hotel room window in nyc -- it's the reflection :)

Kimberley said...

Been reading for a while, thought I'd comment today :) Hope you're alright, that's a pretty heavy duty post. Love the pic, though. It's really a great shot.

Deidra said...

These are all really good questions, and most of them probably won't be answered. Reading this feels very familiar, because I've been in similar situations! I can get really bad with blowing things out of proportion to irk me if I have bad feelings toward someone for whatever reason.

Sunny Insomniac said...

Jessi!

What a tough moment. Finding out a friend is not a friend at all is always difficult. Especially when you wake up one day and realize you are so different--they are so different. They will always be that one friend you had, and maybe over time, she'll come to realize how great your friendship was, she'll grow up, and come to her senses. Maybe not. I hope you can find another friend to fill the hole she has punched in your chest.
It was a pleasure reading as always.

~Sunny Insomniac

P.S.
In the meantime--chocolate! Cocoa heals many wounds. Especially ones caused by stupid girls.

lillyannnn said...

great posttt. i like the cocoa thing as a song. 1 2 3 4 (bongo drums) cocoa heals many wounds, especially caused by stupid girlsss. it should be a song

Linz said...

i love your affirmation at the end.

Jen said...

Sounds like you've got alot on your mind. Not a depressing post though...it will be ok :)

Keda said...

Love the end. Sometimes that's all we need to realise, the requirement to love ourselves. And sometimes that is the only reason why a person might have entered our lives.

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