Tuesday, August 03, 2010

An Old Journal Entry, An Old Dream

Date: Unknown
Location: Composition Book
I just woke up from a fantastic, terrible dream. It was beautiful; crisp and clear and basically flawless. He and I looked like ourselves, sounded like ourselves and acted like ourselves. It was really the most perfect dream I've ever had. And it completed tortured me. I literally woke up feeling happy, tortured, and completely frozen.
I haven't talked to him in two years (actually almost two years to the DATE) and yet I feel like I'm never going to be able to move on.

I thought I was stronger than this, but I'm becoming aware of how vulnerable I really am - all to his memory. Because I don't have anything tangible left to hold onto.
He's never loved me -- that's what it feels like anyway -- and yet that vivid dream hit me like a train.

It was a last get-together senior year, one that never actually existed, mind you, and he talked to me. As soon as we talked in the dream, everything was right. We left together and rode around in some red truck - it has to be symbolic of something. He had the same look in his eyes as when he first kissed me, but nothing happened between us.

It was simply perfect.

It didn't even have one of those terrible cliff-hanger endings. I simply woke up. Then, reality set in and it really hurt.
It really hurt to realize that he didn't want me. That he's not with me. That we don't even speak.

As foggy as our ending is to me, I feel like I need him in my life.

I've never felt that way about anyone before.

I feel like I need those feelings from the dream in my reality.

Photo Via (We Heart It)


Lydia said...

Oh how those old journal entries can tug at your heartstrings, or show how much your heartstrings have been tugged at!

Your post reminded me of a recent one by one of my favorite bloggers, a therapist and brilliant writer, who is also a dream coach. You can read it here.

AlpHa Buttonpusher said...

Nothing heals a broken heart better than new people in your life.

Ashton King said...

This reminds me of a post I did a few weeks ago about the fall of a friendship. As hard as it is to accept, sometimes the relationships we think we need in our lives are really the ones we don't need at all. And sometimes that's painful.

UjSen said...

Whether it's a lost friend, a lost lover, time heals all.

If it was your fault, forgive yourself. If it wasn't. It's their loss not yours.period.

Bee said...

I've experienced that same feeling of hurt and heartbreak. I'm currently going through the whole "get over it and stop thinking about it" phase, and it's been over a year. It really sucks! I'm glad I'm not the only one who has felt like this.

Levonne said...

Jung says that we are everyone and everything in our dreams. You possess inside all that was in that dream. You are whole.


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