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Thursday, August 12, 2010

trying, caring, feeling, thinking.

sometimes i wish i didn't try so hard. sometimes i wish i didn't care so much. sometimes i wish i didn't feel everything so all the time. sometimes i wish i could just think straight.
I don't know where the passion to try so hard came from. I think it's my stubborn attitude that I was handed. I could be faced with a situation that I know I can't win; I could be in a situation where I could never be right, but I don't stop trying. I have to keep pushing in the hopes that I can come out with the upper hand. If I wasn't like that, the inner peace would be nice. Some things that I caused wouldn't have turned out the way they did....they probably wouldn't have happened at all. Just sometimes, I wish I didn't try so hard.

I can care way too much for my own good, even if it is over the stupid things. I care for the things that don't care back. Maybe it's in the hopes that I can change them or maybe I am a masochist. That would explain a lot. If I didn't care about the things that don't care back, maybe I wouldn't be so frazzled. Maybe I'd be a little more accepting of the things that do care back. Maybe. It'd be nice if I didn't care so much.

I feel everything that happens. I feel things that have nothing to do with me. I dive deep into situations that I should clearly stay out of. And while I'm in them, I get in deep. Knee deep in emotions that I have no place being in. I feel everything. Everything affects me. I'm so damn emotional. I just don't get why I'd get myself involved in everything knowing that it will leave a mark every single time. But I do. Maybe I like the feeling of feeling alive....through whatever I'm feeling. So many feelings. Sometimes I just wish I didn't feel everything every single time.

Thinking is so in-depth for me. Thinking is constantly clouding my brain, and even sometimes barricading progress. Thinking is so natural now; I don't even notice that I do it anymore. It's like I've built up an immunity; I have to keep doing it more and more and more to get anything done. To feel anything. I'm almost at the breaking point. I'm not even thinking. I'd love to go back to thinking straight.

photo via (we heart it)

9 comments:

Rodney said...

But then what's the trade off? A long series of "If Only I Had..." moments? A life full of regrets? Trust me, you're better off with the passion, the fire, and the drive.

You'll find that when you look back, those qualities put you in the best positions and the greatest situations of your life.

And yes, they do bring pain, lots of pain. But, the only people who don't feel pain... are dead.

Bookish.Spazz said...

It's normal to be overwhelmed with feelings. Really all you can do is keep faith in the thought that each thing you experience, every emotion, idea, block, will bring you closer to what you really want.

teresa sanchez said...

and out of all the times something may not have gone right because you kept trying, you have to remember about all the things that you've accomplished bcuz of your ability to be driven and come out successful

Ashton King said...

This sounds so much like me it's not even funny. I think you might be my midwest twin, LOL! But seriously, thinking isn't terrible when it's not overwhelming. That's why I have a journal, so I can just write. It helps.

Keda said...

I get what your saying. I don't want to speculate on where you could end up with this. People rebuke you for feeling things that are not of you.

You'll get to be where you are needed though.

Nerdy Girl said...

Its good that you are so caring and passionate but sometimes you just have to sit back and relax and let life handle things. Its also good that you try hard to make things right or your way because even if you dont get the outcome you want in the end, atleast you know you've tried every possibility. =)

Kalei's Best Friend said...

I am the same way... You are a good, kindhearted soul... I think its something u are just born w/since birth....

Greek~Goddess~Cindy said...

wow i thought i was the only one out there that felt this way. You are so no alone!!! Im the same

Deidra said...

I truly think this is something that you can...grow out of, to an extent. As you get older and more experienced, I think you'll get better with these things. You'll probably let go of some stuff.

As for thinking too much, I do it all the time. All I can say is try to get distractions. It works well for me to talk to someone about something other than the issue. Someone who has nothing to do with it.

Good luck!

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