Thursday, August 26, 2010

YOUR OPINION: second chances.

I need your thoughts. I absolutely, positively must know. I just need to hear it from people other than myself.

what are your thoughts on second chances?

Whether it's a second chance for a friend, a lover, or yourself, what is the point in which you finally draw the line? If you do at all?

Are second chances decided on a case-by-case basis? Have you officially given up hope for mankind and have banned second chances in your life? Or are you most likely to say that we're all human and give someone, ANYONE the benefit of the doubt any of the time?

Photo Via (we heart it)


Anonymous said...

I try to give people a second chance if they really are sorry and deserve a 2nd chance as I know when I screw up I would appreciate having a second chance or a do over to make things right, however there are thing on a case by case basis - cheating is one of those.

If you're dating and someone cheats on you, I would be hesitant to take them back right away and odds are if they do it once, they're likely to do it again. Honestly, if I was just dating someone and they cheated on me, that would be that and I'd be out the door, moving on. But when you're married though and a partner cheats it's not as simple as there's the legal mess you get into if you decide to just walk away - if you're open to giving your spouse a 2nd chance before throwing in the towel, it's worth exploring and saving however I strongly feel counseling should happen as well to get to the root issue of the problem - a lot of people forget that part of their vows are "for better or for worse". If your spouse is a habitual cheater though, by all means, put your foot down and say "no, I deserve better than that" and divorce their ass - while it may costly at the time, in the long run, if your spouse can't stop cheating, you're better off without them, as no deserves to be treated that way.

Abuse is the same way - no one deserves to be abused - physically, mentally or emotionally. If you're in a relationship with a person that is abusive and then apologizes but the results never change, definitely leave.

When it comes to lying and stuff and trust is broken, it's worth it to really reevaluate the relationship and decide for yourself if this person is really worth it in the long run - do you really want to be with a habitual liar and someone you can't trust? Trust is essential for a relationship to work and while it only takes second to lose, it can take years to build up again.

People can't change overnight, so even if you do give them a second chance, odds are you won't see instant results with things automatically being the same as they were before.

Kalei's Best Friend said...

I've given 2nd chances.. This January, I said 'that's it'.... For me, it hurt having to walk away but I got tired of being a punching bag (metaphoricly)...So, my question to u, is, 'have u taken enough?'... Right now I am alone, but at least I am not stressed w/someone who was making my life miserable.

hannahsheart said...

I give second chances. It comes from a religious standpoint on my part, though. I think second chances are deserved to be given because God has given us a second chance and continues to give us second chances when we screw up, and with each second chance He still loves us. With him, we are given chance after chance and if I am supposed to love like Jesus does, then I am willing to give second chances too and to love the person even after they've hurt me. It's definitely not easy to do but I still try.

I think it's a tad different for relationships. Not in a hypocritical way, of course. I think though that if someone does something in a relationship that is really severe like cheating or abuse, that it's not always right to give them a second chance at the relationship, especially if it can cause harm to you. But I think you should try to forgive and maybe give them a second chance at just a friendship.

I think sometimes you have to give second chances but be weary. If a friend stabs me in the back but then apologizes, I'm going to try and forgive them and give them a second chance. In that second chance though, they are going to have to earn back trust and things like that.

In short, I think that everyone deserves second chances.

Samantha Rill said...

I give second chances, but only second chances. I don't give three second chances or twelve second chances. Just one second chance because someone managed to screw up the first chance.

Anthony Hodgson said...

I have a rule that's served me well down the years. If you break my trust I'll forgive you and may in time trust you again. If you donut twice you are dead to me whoever you are. It's been painful and not easy but I've saved myself a lot of extra unwarrented hurt down the years and I'm a stronger person for it. Not for everyone but it works for me.

Jen said...

I've given second chances, I think it's just in my nature to forgive, and try to believe that everyone has the best intentions, or that they are trying to be a better person.

Needless to say, sometimes the second chance is worth it, and sometimes it isn't.

It's hard to tell from the outset what the outcome will be.

Puput Nopitasari said...

No body's perfect in this world. Everybody ever do a sin or mistake and we are no exception. So why don't we forgive them and give a second change! How beautiful this life without grudge. :)

Ashton King said...

I think second chances depend on the situation and the person. In an idealistic world all people deserve second chances, but we don't live in a world like that. The reality behind the situation you're debating is the only thing that can determine if the other person(s) involved deserves a second chance.

People make mistakes, yes. But when a person *deliberately* does something that is wrong, hurtful, deceitful, etc., it isn't a mistake.

Mistakes deserve forgiveness and the opportunity to make things right. Deliberate actions of the sort I mentioned above don't. But that's just my opinion.

Keda said...

case to case basis.

Sometimes people really screw up, we all have. And you can see it and hear it in their voice and attitude. Give them another chance. I would want one if I made a mistake.

Some people are just in a bad habit and will continue to hurt you without ever meaning too. They deserve a second chance, but usually it gets harder and harder to stand by them no matter how sorry they are.

Some just do what they want and say sorry afterward. Sometimes we can spot them, sometimes it only shows after years of abuse. You have to be strong to stand against these people and strong people are not often their targets because they see right through these people and will never get another chance to hurt.

3rd, 4th, millionth chance? I don't know. It depends on the pain a person is causing. I can handle a friend who is constantly looking for a get rich quick scheme and I rarely invest in things where I will lose money so my friend will always be my friend, although constant advice will be forthcoming, but will his family be able to handle this?

It differs, from person to person, intention, responsibility, level of pain caused, etc.

Often, second chances pan out really well. It's when they start bordering on 3rd and 4th and it's close to home that it gets harder to allow.

But at least give it a 2nd chance. Because you never know ho people will blossom in the face of it.

jo jagat said...

am not thrilled to have second chances not that much because they don't come with real passion as the first am not for into it.

David Rotherham said...

Case-by-case, I think. Usually a second chance is fair, if the falling-out was over something that they may not have expected you to care so much about. Third, fourth and more chances need some cost/benefit analysis about your relationship, taking into account what the further let downs have taught you about what kind of person they are.

Vaishali Ahuja said...

It is always fair to give a second chance.
However if you look at past, you would realize there are few people in your life whom you have given n number of chances because you love them, and no matter what , you might still feel to give them
(n+1)th chance. This is because these few people are those whom you want to be with you forever and don't want to loose them as you can feel at heart with them and you feel them your "own". You will forget their past mistakes in sometime.
However, there are other people where it even gets difficult to give a second chance. But to err is human. So everybody deserves atleast one fair chance. And to learn is experience. So if you have learnt that this person doesn't deserve more than the second chance, you are the best judge. And when you get experience, follow your intuition.

Anonymous said...

I like giving second chances- I feel everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt. However, I've learned to be a little wary.

I gave my old boyfriend a second chance, after he broke up with me. Later on, I discovered that he was cheating on me and had no intention of telling me.

Just make sure you know who you're giving the chance to. If this is their "first offense", it's human, and thus they should be given a chance. But if they show warning signs of repeating the behavior, or have broken such trusts in the past, they shouldn't deserve a second chance.

ThaliaGrace said...

My advice: always forgive, but if what has been done is very severe, such as some things in relationships, forgive, but then get out of the situation. ALWAYS forgive. God did. And He tells us to. Matthew 18:21-22 says:
21Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
22Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times."
Bottom line... Always forgive, but don't always give people another chance to hurt you.

mollie said...

I have had my current best friend for nearly 8 years now. When we first met we hated each other. We were competing for the same seat on the varsity crew team and beyond that we came from such different worlds we assumed up front there was no friend potential.

When things changed and there was room for both of us on varsity we put our pettiness aside and realized we actually get along better with each other than anyone else we know. We both say that no matter what we do, no matter what happens on a night out together we ALWAYS have a good time when its the two of us. When I think of her I remind myself that sometimes first impressions are wrong, and second chances can be great.


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