Sunday, September 05, 2010

they're talking again.

Hahahah. I thought I was two years OUT of high school, not two years in.

But, you know. It wouldn't be my life without drama, would it? If only I could fix that. But I think that trying to stop the drama would only cause more.

So sometimes it hits me hard. Sometimes it arrives at my doorstep with a punch to the gut. The waterworks come. The panic phone calls and texts scatter out on their ways. Then slowly, I come back together, piece by piece.

That whole deal of "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger?" Makes me want to kill whoever thought of that. Because I'm supposed to use it and run with it. I'm supposed to be taking these experiences and learning from them. Gaining things from them.

And I do. It's just that after so many years, I'd like the learning to stop for just one day.

I fully realize that life is all about making mistakes, picking yourself up and being something better because of it. But what about when you're in the moment and it just hurts? No one ever knows what to do then.

You're just sorta stuck.

The drama hurts, people. I sometimes wonder why it feels like these things are on the prowl for me. I can wearily grin, thinking of all the lessons I'll probably pick up, but it gets old. When you get the wind knocked out of you three, four times in a row, you just want to gasp for it to stop. Maybe you're at the point where you're on your knees, crying. Just wanting to know why things keep happening.

I don't hold all the answers. I know I hold a lot of questions. I know that these things always pass. I know that I'll emerge from the dust within time, and I'll be fine, if anything just a little loopy. But when do I get a break? When will the day come that people realize that I'm not that interesting to be picked apart and I should be left well enough alone?

Photo Via (We Heart It)


Kaely said...

I've been feeling the exact same way for awhile now. Thank you so much for putting into words what I never quite could. I look up to you. The ability to put everything out in the open like you do, to just open up and be completely honest, and to find the perfect way to say it, is so extremely amazing to me.

I know that none of this makes you feel any better. Not much can...but I just wanted you to know that you are so brave. And from what I've read of your life through your blog, and the person I believe you are, I know you'll make it through this tough time in your life. You're a strong woman. One day you'll wake up and realize that it's slowly getting better.

Maybe even one day it won't hurt at all anymore...that's what I'm hoping for.

Ashton King said...

I remember going to college and thinking that all the drama I had to endure in high school would magically go away. It was such a letdown when it didn't. And now that I'm out of college, working in the real world and out on my own I'm seeing that the drama continues.

There will always be someone in your life somewhere who likes drama. They seem to thrive on it. They may not necessarily be your friend, but they're someone you interact with.

The best part about being out of high school is that now you have a wider variety of people to choose from when picking friends/hangout buddies. The same holds true for when you move into the real world. You start to learn who's worth being friends with and who's not.

Hang in there! I promise things always look up (as cliche as that sounds). :)

♥ T said...

I've been asking myself the same questions :/ Hang in there!

Molly said...

Aww, I only hope things will get better for you soon. You look beautiful in your new profile picture, if it makes you feel any better! :) Try to hang in there. You're a great writer.

Jessi Haish said...

Thanks everyone, you guys are always great :)


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