I've been thinking about how what we do in the past affects our future endeavors. In the moment, what we are doing may not seem like a big deal, but down the line our actions can change everything.
Everything that I'm doing today, everything that I'll do the rest of the year...what kind of a person does that make me? What am I going to think of the decisions that I've made? I can only hope that I'll be proud of myself. But what if I do something that I can't shake myself of? What if I do something that haunts me and I can't let it go?
At least for the time being I'm simply happy. I'm content where I am and I like what I'm doing. At least for now I haven't run into any big trouble. At least for now I'm alright. There's not much that I've done that I would want to alter, if anything at all. What bothers me the most is the way I've been treated. Unfortunately I've been dwelling on it too much for my own good.
But what can I say? I'm a terrible over-thinker. I know this, you know this. Yet I still dwell on things. When I see people from high school and I think about the things they've done; I know I'm over it but I know I won't let it go. I know that they've personally tainted their image for me. If anything at all, I'd like to know why they did the things they did to me. Why they said those things. If I even instigated it all, and why one day I just let it fall from my shoulders.
I like the weightless air on my back now. I'm free. I like knowing that things are where I currently want them. But what if one day I realize that it simply wasn't enough? What happens when one day I realize that it was for nothing? I can only hope that I haven't tripped myself up into a constant hurricane. But for now I'm content, and I fear that I don't have my walls up for the first time ever. That only means I can be hit so much harder.
photo via (we heart it)