Tuesday, November 09, 2010

An Open Letter to Temptation

Where do I even begin? You showed up one day like Superman -- sweeping down to save the day.

But I didn't need saving.

I was in a great place in my life; everything was working out and I was happy. But then you pushed your way in. The worst part is: I wasn't reluctant.

I enjoyed the way you barged into my life, temptation. You took control. You opened my eyes to the way things could be, and I liked it. I wish I was lying when I say I got caught up in this fantasy in my head. It was my escape from the present, even though I liked where I was at in my life.

And I was stupid. You were stupid for even trying. Why did I let it happen? Not that anything happened. You were just sort of there, messing with my mind and tugging at my heartstrings. It was out of this world.

I never should have considered giving in. I'm glad I didn't actually give in. But to know that you're still trying and you will continue to try is exciting and terrible at the same time. I don't want to hurt you, but you're not being fair to me. But then again, do I care?

You make me feel special. You provided me with things that other things couldn't provide. Maybe I should have changed what was going on in my life so that I was happier, but instead I clung to you. I know it's wrong, and from time to time I find my mind trying to cling to you again.

But you're not being fair, you know? I know for a fact that in a while you'll be gone and I'll still be here. So why would you put me through this? You're just passing through while I'm silent and steady like a rock. It's frustrating that you could even act like you want to do this to me. It's frustrating that I have to try so hard to not let it get to me.

You're tearing my world apart. You're meddling where you don't belong. I'm not stopping it, but I'm not starting it. All I know is that when you leave in a while things are going to be easier for me. Life is going to get back to normal. But for now, you just remind me of the past. I think that's why this is so hard.

Here I am, trying to move forward and live what I've been given. I swear to you I'm happy right now. But when you show up and remind me of things I used to have, things I had to work so hard to get away from, it's like I'm being tested. All I want to do is pass. I want to prove to myself more than anything that I can do this. That I can move on and live the life I already have.

There's no room for you in these plans. I'm not asking you to leave, but I don't want you to stay. I wish you could be here, I wish life was perfect and things could work out. But life's not like that. Temptation. You came in at the wrong time. Maybe if the timing was different, maybe if we were different...maybe.

But I am so happy right now. You can try all you want, and I know you'll be the one hurt in the end, but please don't drag me down with you. I've done all I can and I will be fine when you're gone. But for now, it's a struggle. Please keep that in mind.


Fellow blogger Melissa and I posted on the same topic today. Check it out here.

photo via (we heart it)


Sunny Insomniac said...

Beautiful post, blog bestie! I love how you write like a window into your mind. Like I've always said, your honesty is so refreshing! Keep hanging in there. Temptation won't go away, but it will come back in different guises. But glad to hear how happy you are!
Write on!
~Sunny Insomniac

Melissa Blake said...

I'm so glad we did this together, Jessi! :)

Grace said...

Just wanted you to know that your letter series has inspired me to write my own letter. Check it out here:

Hope to write more in the future! It is quite fun :)

$|<@77€®|\/|1|\||)€|) said...

So, this makes me know that you are serious in your choice. it makes me smile to know that it was a good one for me, and it makes my trust and love grow that much more. Thank You.

Anonymous said...

Hi, Jessi! :D It’s Lexi. Haha.

You and Melissa seriously have a way with words. I love your use of imagery. :) And I think that you depicted temptation very well in this. It tries to entice you and tell you things are so much better than what they actually are. Just hold onto what you think is right, Jessi. The Kscope staff is right beside you. : )


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