Saturday, December 11, 2010

Late Night Thought: Holding a Grudge?

"Why do girls always hold grudges? They never get over anything."

Sigh. If I hear this one more time I may scream. I may never forgive, but that most certainly does not mean I am holding a grudge. Thank you very much.

Here's a little background: a lot of people in my life have, well, screwed me over to say the least. Whether they're walking out of my life, ditching me, talking smack about me or just hurting my feelings, it's definitely happened more than once and it's definitely getting old. One day I got sick of being walked all over.

So I guess I grew a thicker skin, and started reevaluating how I approach and handle situations.

When one of my closest friends started spreading rumors about me and turned some people against me, I didn't wait for an apology. That's probably a good thing considering it's been two years without a single word.

I just moved on, and moved her on out of my life. Now if today, two years later, I roll my eyes at the mention of her name, or I refuse to be friendly or speak to her, no one can say that that's holding a grudge. I'd like to call it having a backbone.

I've struggled with being self-conscious. I've struggled with not being able to voice how I really feel. But with all these downright mean people I've met, I've changed and I think it's for the better. In fact, I know it's for the better. I'm not sitting here stewing up emotions and I feel free. I'm surrounded by people who actually care about me. I'm not making up with someone who has purposely hurt me in the past and could do it again at any moment.

I'm not about to run to her house, ring on the doorbell and give her a big hug. I'm not about to offer up an olive branch or start waving a white flag. That would go against everything I stand for. What do I stand for?

I've got one life and I'm not gonna stand there and take a beating if I don't need to. Especially if I don't deserve it.

So don't say I'm holding a grudge. Don't tell me I need to grow up and move on. Don't tell me that life is too short and I need to make amends. I've made peace with myself but that doesn't mean I don't think she's the dumbest person I've ever met.

This is my life and I call the shots. If you can't respect that, move along. I already have.

C'est la vie.

photo via (we heart it)


UjjwalRaaj said...

This reminded me of a certain ex girlfriend of mine. And how people said I held a grudge because I'd be rolling my eyes at the mention of her name.

I guess you just want some people in your life, and some you don't. Over time people walk in and out anyway.

TexasGirl said...

I agree. One of my *former* best friends did the same kinda thing to me- and we don't speak anymore. Last year we had a class together, and we were civil, sure. Fine. I'm not one for making a scene, particularly when there is no need for it. This year, we don't have a class together and we don't talk. I don't think either of us cares or wants it to change.

I don't think it's holding a grudge so much as common sense. If you can't draw the line somewhere, you're just going to end up trampled on by every opportunist that crosses your path.

positive affirmation said...

I love and approve of myself
I appreciate all that I do. I am good enough just as I am. I speak up for myself. I ask for what I want. I claim my power.

Deidra said...

I feel this way exactly.


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