Friday, February 11, 2011
late night thought: my own nightmare
Here I am, filling my life with projects, tasks and deadlines and there's always something to do and someone to do it with. But at the end of the night, I am left with one thing I have no control over. It makes me feel helpless, not having control. Especially over something like this. This is something I don't have and I don't want.
The dreams still keep happening once in a while. I don't know why. Images of things I used to want but couldn't have play in my head. I don't want it anymore, but that doesn't stop that from happening. It's been happening for years. It's almost creepy. And even though I'm not seeing something that I think about all day, I wake up and feel so many different things. I feel low. Guilty. Nearly depressed.
I don't know what I did wrong or what I'm doing wrong. The dreams are so happy but they leave me so solemn. I don't want this anymore, it's not good for me; if only I could clue my subconscious in. I've moved on but when I wake up I feel like I've taken ten steps back. As happy as the dreams are, the dwelling on these dreams has become my personal nightmare.
photo via (we heart it)