Friday, February 11, 2011

late night thought: my own nightmare

Here I am, filling my life with projects, tasks and deadlines and there's always something to do and someone to do it with. But at the end of the night, I am left with one thing I have no control over. It makes me feel helpless, not having control. Especially over something like this. This is something I don't have and I don't want.

The dreams still keep happening once in a while. I don't know why. Images of things I used to want but couldn't have play in my head. I don't want it anymore, but that doesn't stop that from happening. It's been happening for years. It's almost creepy. And even though I'm not seeing something that I think about all day, I wake up and feel so many different things. I feel low. Guilty. Nearly depressed.

I don't know what I did wrong or what I'm doing wrong. The dreams are so happy but they leave me so solemn. I don't want this anymore, it's not good for me; if only I could clue my subconscious in. I've moved on but when I wake up I feel like I've taken ten steps back. As happy as the dreams are, the dwelling on these dreams has become my personal nightmare.

photo via (we heart it)

1 comment:

Sara said...

Not gonna lie... I am confused. What is it that you feel is leaving the void? Your lack of control? Is it just me? Am I missing it?


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