Sunday, February 06, 2011

She's a Lady...Or Is She? The Rant.

Sure, I can't throw a punch or kick a ball. I couldn't win a fight, smash a can on my head or drink like a sailor. But I'm finding that I'm more and more like a guy everyday, and I'm starting to lose this "girly" image. Should I be concerned?

I guess I never truly realized anything about myself until I was in a relationship. Don't get me wrong, my boyfriend is "manly" in all the ways he needs to be, but there's a certain juxtaposition to my character now....thanks to him. I'm finding that I'm not fitting this mold that apparently I'm supposed to be making myself comfortable in.

Let's get real. Out of everyone you know, I'm the least likely to become a housewife. Hell, I had a five day weekend this weekend and I was so bored and antsy because I was lacking serious responsibility that I started debating all major life choices I've made thus far (and WILL make.) I need something to do, but it wont be satisfied by cooking or cleaning. If I ever even think about actually carrying a baby and having to take care of it, I'd be totally stuck on having a stay-at-home husband. I'd kill to come home to a clean house and food on the table. I want to be the breadwinner. I want to take care of everyone. If I don't find that, I'm going to be the Queen of Drive Thru Land, and I'm going to die alone. Let's just cut the crap and get to the point.

Speaking of cutting the crap... drama.

Girls gossip more than dudes. You can't deny that. Now I know I tend to find myself in...funny situations. I tend to be the subject and heart of most drama (or so it seems.) But I feel recently it has started because I just don't give a damn anymore. One day I stopped being so dramatic and stopped caring. And that's when they came with their pitchforks and torches. I became the village beast in some social aspects of my life. Why? Cause something made me interesting. Maybe it's because I truly can't be defined. Go ahead and try.

I find myself most comfortable in baggy rock band tees and jeans. I know I've got a body under there somewhere, but why show it? I know I have it. Nobody else needs to know that. And makeup? Forget about it. I only wear mascara because I have almost no eyelashes, but makeup is so expensive! And cute clothes? Toss me a dress from Goodwill and I'm set. And my hair? Cut it short, pick up the layers and spray an immense amount of hairspray at the roots. Good.

Now, this isn't all saying that I'm not a girl in many other aspects of my life. I love my chick flicks, and I tend to lean toward the arts and literature side of my brain as opposed to the math and science side. But seriously...romance? Nine times out of ten I don't like cuddling and don't even get me started on any form of PDA. Gross. I've never dreamed about getting married when I was little, and Prince Charming always seemed...dull. I also tend to cut to the chase during an argument: I'm not about to play games or try and guilt trip you into feeling bad for me. I tell you you're pissing me off, and if you can't change it, I say peace. Oh, did I tell you I swear like a sailor? I also eat a lot, and fast (and burp way too much.)

I know I'm only 20. I know that these may just seem like exaggerated, sexist remarks in my attempt to make some sort of point. Also keep in mind that I'm writing this at 3:30 in the morning. But honestly, who am I?

I'm the cold, non-mushy, cursing like a sailor, eating like a truck driver, sarcastic, cynical, selfish jerk who just happens to be dating someone that is her complete opposite. For some reason it works, but until I figure out how to act a little more like a lady....

Maybe I can start with learning how to bite my tongue.


Geordie said...

I dont really think that all your "manley" qualities make you any less of a lady, it just means you're comfortable who you are in any situation.

Sara said...

I could swear these words were written by me! Perhaps not at 20, but certainly in this lifetime. Being okay w/ you- first and foremost - is the key to happiness. Happiness for yourself and happiness for those around you because you can then cast off all of the extemporaneous BS and just live life. Some of us have to learn the hard way what life is about, and others of us may never learn, but those things that really, truly matter aren't the clothes that we wore, the handbag that we carried, or the number of Facebook friends we had, but the meaningful legacy that we leave behind when it's all said and done.

Personally, I don't see an issue with "Let's just cut the crap and get to the point.", but then again, I guess you, and anyone else who knows me, could say that I live and breath this- sadly sometimes to the detriment of both myself and others. Life is entirely too short, and my theory is Say what you mean and mean what you say, but understand that those words can never be taken away.

Believe it or not, you have an excellent handle on who you are, what you want, and where you are going. The blogging process has really opened you up and fundamentally changed you, as it has really made you step up and reflect- something that we all should do a little more often.

Shades of Jay said...


Shannon said...

Umm...I guess I'm kind of like you--hate wearing dresses, much rather be in sweats or sweatshirts--so much more comfy!

Also, guys should know how to cook, it shouldn't just be girls cooking. Have your man take cooking lessons so that when you get home from work there's already dinner on the table. That'd be nice!


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