Friday, March 25, 2011

Gimme my f*&*@&# ring!

I almost broke into the truck yesterday.

There it was, just a few rows away. I actually contemplated it out loud. I repeated in my head, over and over. I told myself that if that empty spot next to it was still empty when I returned..I was breaking in. My mind was set.

When I returned, the spot next to it was empty. I cheered a victorious "yes!" and an evil grin spread across my face. My moment was here. Years of bitterness could quickly be flushed down the drain with the opening of a door.

But I drove right past and parked a few spots away, a few spots closer to the door to the school.

Why? Maybe I've let go. Or maybe because I still have yet to. I wanted more than anything to get into that truck: that truck that symbolized a small chunk of my high school career. I wanted to stick my arm through the crack in the little window and see if I could feel around...see if I could find my stupid ring. Cause after three years it would still be there, right?

I wanted my f*(#@&$ ring.

We ended on a bad note all that time ago, and ten years of my hard-spent time, energy and passion was gone. But the one thing I wanted more than anything was my ring back. The black and white checkered ring that I gave to him one night. It would be his "lucky charm," cops wouldn't look at him twice while he was driving the truck...if he had the ring. Attached to his visor. And I remember later that year occasionally looking in the window and seeing it hanging there, even after we had stopped talking. He'd park near me and when I went out to lunch, curiosity would get the best of me. But I eventually stopped. Just lost interest and moved on.

Today I had the chance to look again, and I passed it up. As much as I'd like it back, I don't know if I'd actually wear it. I don't know why the idea of it still captivates me. It's silly to think that it could possibly still even be there. He could have been driving down the road and thrown it out the window. He could have given it to another girl. He could have simply lost it. It could still be there and he hasn't noticed it lately.

It's so intriguing.. what has happened to my little ring? Someday I might find out.

photo via (we heart it)

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