Wednesday, March 09, 2011
Late Night Thoughts: Friends, Being Yourself, and Trust
I'm trying so hard to stop myself from writing something completely pissy right now. So read this at your own risk, and take from it what you must. But for the love of Aerosmith, don't harp on me about it. I may go completely insane. So if you're in a less-than-awesome mood like I am, you should probably stop reading...now. My thoughts as follows:
Certain friends are there for you through thick and thin. Certain friends will love you no matter what. Then there are the friends who are only there for you when it is convenient. When the timing is right. When they want something. When you have something they want. You realize who these friends are in the heat of the moment. It all depends on how a situation boils over. If they freak out and pull apart every word you said as well as every tone you used to say it, they're not the friends they thought they were. If they care enough to listen to you and not take things personally but rather help, they're the friends you've been looking for all along. These are rare. When you find them, hold on to them and never let go. I'm realizing that I don't have as many of these as I thought. As expected, I'm finding it out the hard way.
Sometimes being yourself sucks.
You've been told to do it as long as you can remember, but most of the time it feels like you're being punished for being yourself. Take away any of your creativity, opinions, values and well, just, life....and you have what everyone wants. I'm finally realizing this and I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do about it. Do I go with it or do I fight it and keep suffering?
Trust is something you start out with, then lose over time.
You can start out trusting everyone in life, then as time goes on you realize who is true to you, who is good for you, and who you should avoid at all cost. It seems like the older you get, the more cynical you become on this issue. You think you have all the trust in the world for the one person who is closest to you. Then you realize they did something not so trustworthy. Do you ever completely trust them again? Can you ever get rid of the looming shadow that seems to hang in the room when dealing with said person? Can total trust ever be restored? At this moment, it's hard for me to determine. But I don't know if I can live with any elephants in the room, and I don't know if it's normal to have to.
Sweet dreams, friends and foes.
photo via (we heart it)