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Monday, July 11, 2011

Late Night Thought: In Which I Re-Think Everything.

I'm so irritated lately. Now more than ever. Why? I feel stuck. Yes, my life is changing, yes, things are improving. But at the same time, I feel like I'm tied down to a chair, or I have weights tied to my ankles. Definitely more like weights tied to my ankles. I can still move, but it's difficult and I'm not getting anywhere fast.

I'm not getting anywhere fast when it comes to satisfaction. I feel like it takes so much more to make me happy these days. I'm simply unsatisfied. I'm tired of the same old drama, I'm sick of the same scenery, I'm bored by the thought of another day just like the last. I need new. But at the present moment, it's not really possible.

I'm sick of people around me not changing. I know that people don't change, and when they do, is it ever really enough? I want people to grow up. I'm sick of the immaturity and the petty attitudes. I want to scream immature things myself: get over yourself. Who are you kidding? You're not going to get anywhere in life if you don't get off your ass and try. Stop being so stuck-up. Stop telling me I'm wrong. Let's go or hit the road.

But it's like I'm stuck. I'm surrounded by people that I want to change, and they aren't going to do it. Maybe I could walk away? But even though I'm hellbent on things needing change and wanting a shake-up, I'm comfortable. I don't want radical changes. I guess I just want better. Go figure, the girl who wants change is terrified of it. So is it worth the risk? Will my fear be replaced with happiness? Is it worth trying to find out, or will I potentially lose everything I've worked so hard to gain...even the bad?

7 comments:

Kalei's Best Friend said...

I kinda thought that it was you that was afraid of change... It seems the one who complains is the one that is talking about oneself... Take a chance Jess, if you have weighed pros and cons and the cons aren't life threatening, then go ahead, jump and take that chance... You won't know or you may find out that you shoulda..

Sarah said...

Now is the time to do something radical. Take advantage of the fact that you don't have children or a house or a husband to tie you down. Go explore!

Amanda said...

For a long time I felt exactly like this, and the only thing that made me feel better was thinking for myself at that moment. Taking time to not think about the future or those annoying people and go to the movies or shopping alone made me feel lonely at first, but then it reminded me that the only persond who is always there with me is me.

Erica said...

I feel like this a lot myself. I have to remind myself of this quote that I love " “The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.” Marcel Proust

Perspective is everything. And I have also learned that people don't always change. It's about how you change your reaction to certain people that makes things easier.

My frustration also stems from lack of control which is rooted a lot in my childhood. But I remain faithful in God's plan for my life and realize I can't control everything and wouldn't want to anyway.

chris said...

together we can work through anything on both of our parts, we can both work to better ourselves and eachother.

Grace said...

I remember the days when I wished the same thing, that those people around me would grow up. Now, I find myself as a young professional in a world where I have so much to learn from everyone around me....and change has filled my life! sometimes its very overwhelming, but I try to embrace the change...because I know its making my life better, and its good. so I guess what I'm trying to say is...just wait...it will happen.

Ashton King said...

I know how you feel, except in my situation I'm considering taking a turn on my career path to see where it might lead me.

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