Writing. I certainly can't imagine my life without it, but is it enough to be my life?
I've been questioning it so much lately. Is it enough to go to school for? Is it enough to make a living? Or should it just be a hobby? How do you know if you're making the right decision?
Writing is without a doubt one of the most important aspects of my life. But is Journalism what I really want to do? Can I see myself being successful and doing it day in and out? Do I even want to do it that much? I wonder if it will be worth the plunge or if it should remain as a hobby.
I'm sick to my stomach and confused. It's been bothering me for so long now: do I go to college with the assumption that I'll just keep following this path? I'm not totally committed to my decision. I'm terrified to waste the money. School isn't cheap and life is short. So for right now, I'm going to do what I need to do. I'm not going to do what is expected of me, I'm not going to do what I've said I was going to do. I'm most likely taking the fall semester off and no, I will not be working for the college newspaper. At least not now and not this fall. I need to decide what I truly love and what I need and want and how I'll get them.
I know I truly love writing, but at this point in time I know it's not going to be a career. I need more to fall back on. I need security. I hate the unknown, so I'm going to take this time to sort things out and do what is right for me.
People may not understand it, people may not respect it, people may be disappointed in me. But I think they'd be far more disappointed if I let myself down. If I lived with regret. If I couldn't make a grown up decision for the first time in my life and actually go with it and complete it. This is the first time I've had to do something like this. So I'm going to take my time and do it right so that hopefully, I won't have to pull a redo multiple times.
So that's what I'm doing now. I'm taking a short break from school. I'm going to decide what I want to "do" and what I'm going to "be." I'm going to save more money for classes. I'm going to be working hard, but in a different way. I'm going to be working on myself.
Like my favorite band sings, "life's a journey, not a destination." Life is far too short, so I need to finally let this true journey begin. For whatever it's worth, I'm going to do this the right way.