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Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Pact.


Turns out having a boyfriend is hard work. It's a big time commitment. It can be stressful, heart-wrenching, crazy, and confusing. In the beginning you think the relationship is worth it, but from time to time you wonder what you got yourself into.

I was single until I was nineteen years old. I liked tons of guys - -but they were never interested in me enough to try anything, and I was content being alone. Then I met someone who basically worshipped me and it changed everything. For the first time in my life, I truly cared about another human being as much as I cared about myself (which is a lot.)

He changed the game for me. After a year and a half, we're still trucking along. Even though I think he's This Totally Awesome Boy....he's far from perfect. So am I. We're both immature, and sometimes stupid. He doesn't know what to do with his life and I don't know where I'm going with mine. We're messy. We're dramatic. We're absolutely bonkers. But the thing that makes everything alright? We care about each other. And I can proudly say he's my best friend.

As much as I care about him and want him in my life, I have to be honest. I have my doubts. Is he meeting my super high expectations? Chances are, he's not. But I think most of my expectations are bogus. It's nice to have expectations, but sometimes I think I made them up to be crazier, grander things than they truly were. All to avoid getting hurt.

But sometimes, you find someone who simply makes you happy. Who makes you feel home. And the expectations either go out the window or change. You can search all your life for someone to fill in the boxes on your checklist, but if you honestly care about someone, isn't that really enough?

I know I'm young. I know now that most of the time, I have no idea what I'm doing. But I care and I want to do all I can do and be all that I can be. When I felt like my relationship was slipping through my fingers, I decided there needed to be a change.

I went from being single forever to seeing someone almost every single day for a year and a half. We went to the same high school, we work together, and we even had a class together in college. We were excited, and had to see each other as much as possible. It may not be "healthy," but it's what we wanted.

Now things are changing. We as separate people are changing and our lives are changing. I want things to stay fresh and I want us to stay alive. That's why tonight, I made him have a pact with me.

Every single day, we are going to tell the other person something they don't already know about us: what we're thinking, what we're feeling, or something we've never told someone else. Every single day for as long as we're together. After a while it should get tough, but I know we can do it. I know it's worth it. If we want to make this last, we certainly can't get stuck in a routine this early in the game, and I think surprising each other every day can only help us in the long run.

5 comments:

$|<@77€®|\/|1|\||)€|) said...

I love it, I mean it totally opens my eyes to what you really want to happen out of this pact and how far you want it to go in our relationship. I do have to agree, I want our relationship to stay "fresh" as you put it. I don't want us to slip into the same routine that every young relationship seems to fall into. That means that we are like everyone else, but like no one else at the same time. I want us to be so unique that people don't really understand that we are together for the long trip, and hell, maybe not even understand why the two of us are even together. I know that we are together and we will last through anything, but I want the world around us to know that we are so much in love that there isn't a damn thing anyone can do to seperate us, and that we are going to show it proudly. I want to show you off like you have showed me off to your friends, I want to know that you know and accept how much I truly love you. I always will love you no matter what, and there isn't anything that will stop that love. No matter what, you are the one that I want to be with and although things have been hard for a while now, they are going to get better, and this Pact is something to start us back in the "right" direction. I use the quotes because who the hell knows which direction is the right one until we find it. I do know that I love you, and I spend practically every waking moment with something that has to do with you on my mind. I love you Jess, you are my Wonder Woman.

violet said...

I hope that things go down well in life for you :)

And wow, that's really interesting, what you're going to do with your relationship. I understand what you said earlier in the post too, and can even really relate to it -though that small one of mine didn't quite turn out like yours, but then again, I'm not even nineteen yet. LOL!

Here's wishing you all the best :)

Lydia said...

Yes, you are young, but you are also brilliant. Your pact is borne from the blessings of an innate sense of relationship in this world. If you guys really do what you have sworn to do I think you might have a book some years down the line. So keep notes!

My husband and I will celebrate our 16th anniversary on Thursday. I love him. Even so, I am tired of hearing his same old stories! And there is so much about my past I will never share with him. Still, I do think I will propose this idea with him over dinner at the Oregon coast that night...only we might try sharing something new once a week instead of every day. I know our limits by now!!!

Shia said...

I love the pact. I think all relationships can use refreshers after a bit no matter how old you are or how long you've been together. It is great to have those...when we first met moments all over again - by learning or sharing something new =)

Katlyn said...

The "routine" is what I'm feeling with my current boyfriend. I find it hard to imagine the coming future since we're only together for eight and a half months and I already have this kind of feeling. Perhaps this post of yours may give me an idea.

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