Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Turns out having a boyfriend is hard work. It's a big time commitment. It can be stressful, heart-wrenching, crazy, and confusing. In the beginning you think the relationship is worth it, but from time to time you wonder what you got yourself into.
I was single until I was nineteen years old. I liked tons of guys - -but they were never interested in me enough to try anything, and I was content being alone. Then I met someone who basically worshipped me and it changed everything. For the first time in my life, I truly cared about another human being as much as I cared about myself (which is a lot.)
He changed the game for me. After a year and a half, we're still trucking along. Even though I think he's This Totally Awesome Boy....he's far from perfect. So am I. We're both immature, and sometimes stupid. He doesn't know what to do with his life and I don't know where I'm going with mine. We're messy. We're dramatic. We're absolutely bonkers. But the thing that makes everything alright? We care about each other. And I can proudly say he's my best friend.
As much as I care about him and want him in my life, I have to be honest. I have my doubts. Is he meeting my super high expectations? Chances are, he's not. But I think most of my expectations are bogus. It's nice to have expectations, but sometimes I think I made them up to be crazier, grander things than they truly were. All to avoid getting hurt.
But sometimes, you find someone who simply makes you happy. Who makes you feel home. And the expectations either go out the window or change. You can search all your life for someone to fill in the boxes on your checklist, but if you honestly care about someone, isn't that really enough?
I know I'm young. I know now that most of the time, I have no idea what I'm doing. But I care and I want to do all I can do and be all that I can be. When I felt like my relationship was slipping through my fingers, I decided there needed to be a change.
I went from being single forever to seeing someone almost every single day for a year and a half. We went to the same high school, we work together, and we even had a class together in college. We were excited, and had to see each other as much as possible. It may not be "healthy," but it's what we wanted.
Now things are changing. We as separate people are changing and our lives are changing. I want things to stay fresh and I want us to stay alive. That's why tonight, I made him have a pact with me.
Every single day, we are going to tell the other person something they don't already know about us: what we're thinking, what we're feeling, or something we've never told someone else. Every single day for as long as we're together. After a while it should get tough, but I know we can do it. I know it's worth it. If we want to make this last, we certainly can't get stuck in a routine this early in the game, and I think surprising each other every day can only help us in the long run.