You're at that point where you feel like you've come to a standstill. For the past two years, everything has been just the way you wanted it. You were content with who you were with and what you were doing. You were proud of yourself, and there was always someone else who was proud of you too. But could it have really gone on forever?
Yes, people talk a big game when they're trying to prove themselves. It's not so much your fault that you fell for it, but rather that you kept trying to fix something that was beyond broken. You can't keep putting band-aids on broken arms. It's just not going to do anything for you in the long run.
I know that one day all of it was gone. Everything you had worked so hard for was gone; it was carried away by about fifty lies. You've never been one to tolerate lying; honesty is what's most important to you. But he couldn't give you that.
And I respect you for trying to forgive him; I know that giving out second chances isn't exactly your thing. But you tried, and it was admirable. After all, you did love him for so long. But once the moment was actually there, it didn't feel right. The old feelings were gone, masked by confusion and almost hate. You can't fix something that's so broken.
But you tried, and I'm sure it made you stronger. Trying to fix things felt right, until he left you there crying and alone. You can't fix something that's so broken.
But you can work on yourself at this time. I know you feel vulnerable, I know you feel weak. I know you can't imagine how you'll ever trust anyone again, but you'll get there. What doesn't kill you really does make you stronger, and you'll be just fine. You have plenty of time. And although you don't believe it now, just listen to what everyone else is saying for the first time in your life. You will find somebody who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. You will find someone who values honesty just as much as you do. You will find someone that can accept all of you, and it will be right. It won't be broken, and for the first time, you won't have to fix it. Please just try and be patient. That time will come.
For now, just be yourself. Don't go changing for anyone. Do the things you set aside before. Do something a little rebellious (I know you want to.) Have fun. Enjoy life. This one bad experience won't define you as a person. But it will teach you a lot about yourself. That may seem like the one good thing to come from this, but it's definitely enough.
Just remember, you'll be alright. Maybe not right now, but you will. And when that time comes, you'll be ready to try something different...again.
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