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Friday, November 25, 2011

High school crush: 3 years later.

Don't try this at home, kids.
Although it was unexpected, I think I may have provoked it. I mean, it had been three or four years since he stole my first kiss, and we haven't really talked since. So when my boyfriend and I called it quits, it seemed like the perfect time to talk to an old flame...right?

I can't really tell you what I was expecting to get out of it, because I don't know myself. I definitely thought it would be worth it; after all, I did have a puppy love crush on him for like, ten years. I went into it thinking that he'd be the same as he was a few years ago. Boy, was I wrong.

I was convinced that it would be just like before. Maybe I'd feel butterflies. Jitters. I think I just wanted that feeling, (you know which one I'm talking about) but not really anything to come of it. But I didn't feel anything. It just felt awkward. Beyond that, maybe I was just feeling confused because I was still hung up on my ex. But the pieces of the puzzle simply weren't fitting.

What exactly did I want out of this? I kept asking myself.

Don't get me wrong. It was worth it. The conversation was good and I enjoyed myself for the most part. But I kept telling myself that it had been awkward because he had changed so much since the last time. But the truth is, he was exactly the same. I realized that I was the one who had changed. Thank god I'm not that awkward, dopey 17-year-old girl anymore.

So with the holidays here, I give you fair warning: don't try to seek out an ex, old flame or bad boy just because you're both in town, or because you're feeling nostalgic. There's a reason the past is the past and we should probably leave it at that. Keep moving forward, and happy holidays.

photo via (we heart it)

9 comments:

Stephanie said...

Good advice! : )

Wendy said...

You were trying to feel anything but romantic feelings for your ex. Usually the best remedy is to move on to a new (sometimes old) boyfriend. Like you, my experience has taught me you can't go backwards. I'm sure it it has worked for some but it's always left me feeling weird and empty. (Erm, sorry if I sound like a know it all, despite being 43, I'm still learning).

Great writing and advice, Jessi!!!

Cafe Fashionista said...

Such incredible advice. Sometimes I look back on guys who I had slight crushes on when I was younger, and I can't imagine why I ever liked them. You look for different things in a significant other when you're a freshman in high school, compared to when you're in college. :/

Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

I always feel like people from our past are probably meant to stay there. Since announcing my divorce I've had 2 exes try to get me back and I know I've outgrown them. It's kind of a good feeling to know I've grown.

P.S. I'm hosting TWO giveaways! An Earth to Alice giveaway and a Chickey Designs giveaway. Don't forget to enter!

UjjwalRaaj said...

Sigh. I keep making that mistake over and over and over and over again. I've never stopped and asked myself why. And now that I am. I don't really know the answer.

dina vanessa mercado said...

sometime letting go doesn't mean giving up, it just may be a new opening to another opportunity to be happy, a blessing in disguise... the most important part of it are the lessons learned... love your blog, following you now, hope you could visit my blog too..kissess!!!

Alexa said...

It truly is sort of depressing when you realize that about someone, but it is so true.

Ashton King said...

I dated a younger guy one summer while I was home from college. I didn't know how old he was until we had already been out on a handful of dates, so by that point it didn't matter. Anyway, we had fun and it was a nice little fling, but I obviously had no intentions of continuing it when I went back to school. Instead, I told him once he graduated at the end of that year we'd see where we were in life and maybe try again.

And we did. Lunch. It was awfully awkward. Worst 30 minute drive of my life, hands down.

Oh, and his most recent ex at the time threatened to bash my head in with a baseball bat, even though they were definitely broken up. So all around bad experience.

Erin Moline said...

Great post, Jessi. Enjoyed finding your blog today. Best to you ~Erin

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