|Don't try this at home, kids.|
Although it was unexpected, I think I may have provoked it. I mean, it had been three or four years since he stole my first kiss, and we haven't really talked since. So when my boyfriend and I called it quits, it seemed like the perfect time to talk to an old flame...right?
I can't really tell you what I was expecting to get out of it, because I don't know myself. I definitely thought it would be worth it; after all, I did have a puppy love crush on him for like, ten years. I went into it thinking that he'd be the same as he was a few years ago. Boy, was I wrong.
I was convinced that it would be just like before. Maybe I'd feel butterflies. Jitters. I think I just wanted that feeling, (you know which one I'm talking about) but not really anything to come of it. But I didn't feel anything. It just felt awkward. Beyond that, maybe I was just feeling confused because I was still hung up on my ex. But the pieces of the puzzle simply weren't fitting.
What exactly did I want out of this? I kept asking myself.
Don't get me wrong. It was worth it. The conversation was good and I enjoyed myself for the most part. But I kept telling myself that it had been awkward because he had changed so much since the last time. But the truth is, he was exactly the same. I realized that I was the one who had changed. Thank god I'm not that awkward, dopey 17-year-old girl anymore.
So with the holidays here, I give you fair warning: don't try to seek out an ex, old flame or bad boy just because you're both in town, or because you're feeling nostalgic. There's a reason the past is the past and we should probably leave it at that. Keep moving forward, and happy holidays.
photo via (we heart it)