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Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Myth #2: Once a cheater, always a cheater?

Every Tuesday I'm bringing you a dating or relationship-related myth and I'll weigh in on the issue then turn the table to you guys. You can reply in the comments or on your own blog - but I want to hear your stories and what you think about the subject! Make sure you check back here on Tuesdays for more!

Myth #2: Once a cheater, always a cheater?

One of the biggest issues that you have to deal with after something bad happens in a relationship is the inevitable question: do you forgive? Whether he lied or cheated, you have a decision to make. You can consciously forgive him, take him back, and hope it won't happen again, or you can walk away as to not risk getting in the situation again.

Although I haven't been cheated on, I've been lied to. I've been lied to a lot. But it was my first relationship and I was hopelessly in love. And although the lies kept me up tens of nights, wondering how deep they wove and how far they spun, I still wanted to forgive him. I wanted him in my life because I cared. And since we weren't together anymore, he could be honest with me. He could start telling me the truth. He could regain my trust, and then we could go back to the way we were before. Right? Wrong.

As much as I wanted everything to work out, I found out the hard way that it couldn't. I tried being friends, I tried forgiving, but we weren't even together anymore and I found out he was still lying to me. I had to realize that I had put my heart on the line once again, it hurt even more than the first time it happened. So I'm going to tell you what I've learned: if he has lied to you, there's a pretty good chance he'll be a repeat offender. If he was okay with hurting you in the first place, why would he not do it again? I think the same can be said about cheating as well.

I hate to do this, but there are so many examples in the celeb world of "once a cheater, always a cheater." I mean, look at that tattooed guy. He cheated on Sandra Bullock, and that tattooed chick...he's a cheating machine. Look at Tiger Woods. I'm realizing through other peoples' mistakes (in real life and Hollywood) and my own that people don't change. And let's face it, if they really cared about you as much as they said, why would they ever lie or cheat in the first place?

Liars and cheaters are not to be trusted, especially with a heart that is loving and pure. You deserve better than that. Hell, we all deserve better than that. Second chances are one thing, but any more than that and you're just asking for trouble. So do yourself a favor, and when someone you love lies and/or cheats, don't just walk away. Run. Because more likely than not, they'll do it again.

What do you think? Once a fake, always a fake? Or can people really change?

12 comments:

Deidre said...

I didn't particularly like the movie "he's just not that into you" but one things did kind of stand out to me "you're the rule not the exception" I think it is silly to think that someone will change behaviour just because you love them - it'd be nice if it was true though...

I do know men that have cheated before and then found a girl and are now happily married and faithful, so I guess their are always exceptions.

Wendy said...

I -mostly- agree with this. I have been lied to and cheated on. I do agree that if a person can do it once they will more than likely do it again. I do feel that there are a percentage (small) of people that learn from their mistakes.

Cafe Fashionista said...

Personally, I don't think anyone can change someone's bad habits - such as lying or cheating. I think that the person in question has to find it within him or herself to make the change.

I've always thought more along the lines of "once a cheater, always a cheater." Maybe someone will prove me wrong at some point. :/

Elle Sees said...

I agree with the myth!

Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

My soon to be ex-husband is the only person to ever cheat on me. He was also a really big liar. And honestly... he's always going to be that way. I think he needs professional help but he won't admit he needs it so unless he sees someone for it he's going to remain that way.

Ashton King said...

I think people can change, but they have to want to change, and let's face it most people do the things they do because they like doing them. However, I think it's unfair to lump everybody into one category. After all, even the purest of people make mistakes in the times when they're lonely, vulnerable or feel as if they're doing what has to be done. Habitual cheaters and liars will most likely remain habitual cheaters and liars, but someone who stumbles off their path once are likely to get back on that path.

Alexa said...

I do think it depends on the person. Some people make mistakes and will never make that same one again. Others are just...well...mean.

Chic 'n Cheap Living said...

I think it depends on the person thought I think there are many more cases of people being repeat offenders. It depends if the person, at the core, is willing to change and not repeat those mistakes.

xoxo,
Chic 'n Cheap Living

Stephanie said...

I don't think that if someone cheats that it's predetermined that they will do it again. I think the label will be there forever. And they are probably not someone you want to hang your hopes on.

Dancing Branflake said...

I think people can change (I sure hope to because I want to be a better person everyday) but I don't really know at what point you can fully trust them again. It's okay if you move on, friends and otherwise. Nothing wrong with that.

Carolynn Cecilia said...

Word sista! I know from mucho, mucho experience that Once A Cheater, Always A Cheater. ALWAYS!

Anonymous said...

I've been cheated on by every guy I ever dated. Including the lovely man I'm still currently dating. Can me young & naive, but I do believe people can change. He was drunk & she is a single minded bitch who is still trying to destroy my relationship. Within hours, He told me of incident as we've come to call it. He felt so horrible he couldn't even get it up, poor guy. I've date dsome absolute scum in my day. I am unwilling to throw away a relationship that both parties are willing to fight for. He made a mistake, I can't hang the guy forever. It seems so easy to blame the guy in these situations, but the other lady is equally as responsible.

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