Sure, I made a decision to take a leap of faith again. But I feel like I've been trying to play it safe. I've been keeping a safe distance, being careful and easy on my heart. I've been worried to try too hard, I'm worried I'm going to get hurt again. Being back with someone who you love but has hurt you more than anyone is something no one should have to go through. But if you really care about someone, you're willing to take a chance. That's what I realized.
I was willing to take the chance, but I wasn't truly taking it. I was present, but I wasn't involved. This isn't just about my relationship, it's about my entire life. I've been playing it safe: with friendships, love, school and all other aspects of my life. I've been watching my life from the sidelines because I got knocked down in the last quarter. I'm scared to get back in and risk a worse injury that could potentially pull me from the rest of the season.
But I'm tired of playing it safe. I'm tired of waiting to "make sure" that I'm making the right decisions. I don't know that I am, and I won't until there is a definite success or failure. But what I can do is just live in the moment: be happy with who I'm with and what I have. I should be moving forward and being a big girl. I need to take charge of my life (and my happiness) once again.
I'm the only one in charge of me. I can make the difference that I need to in my life, but I need to do it now. No more being cautious; now is the time to take charge and make a change. I'm going to love deeper, laugh harder and live more passionately. Life has been passing me by while I wait for things to fall into place. I'm realizing that the only time is now, and I've got to get back in the game - -the game of life.